they call her jen

Agenda

2012-02-18T21:41:00.000+11:00

Click for larger

My university timetable was released today! Unlike most of my friends, I didn't go through the whole tutorial registration thing and instead just had to pick my major, minor and electives for the university bugs to sort it out for me. Luckily, they also allowed me to click on times where I didn't want classes and such so that my tutorials weren't incredibly spaced out during the day. I'm pretty happy with it since my days aren't ridiculously long - let's hope that this attitude stays in a few weeks time!

For those who don't know, my university course is Bachelor of Arts/Bachelor of Education (Secondary: Humanities and Social Sciences). It's sounds like a mouth full but all that it's really saying is that I'm going to be a high school teacher - a History/English one to be more specific. And I don't start until early March.

Also, I finally filled out my "Program Discontinuation" form today to be posted to UNSW because I had enrolled into that course first since I wasn't sure that I would get into the USYD one. Anyway, it should have been done a very long time ago, I just never got around to printing it out and all that. So yeah.

Just a random fact to throw in while I'm here. This is my 444th post - which isn't incredibly exciting, I know, but in the Chinese culture, the number four isn't well regarded because it sounds like death. Not a very uplifting thing to tell you all but I thought it was relevant since there are three currently, haha.

That's pretty much all I had planned to share. It's all very exciting and I'm so looking forward to it!

Something

2012-02-15T12:51:00.000+11:00

So far, today has been one of those days where it felt as though something is missing. I'm not quite sure what it is or what I am supposed to be looking out for, but it definitely doesn't feel together.

Instead, my sister and I went on an adventure to find our local post office to collect our university ID cards. Apparently our post man likes to avoid coming down to our front door and so drops off a slip into our letter box which requires us to chase them down. And I also realised that I need to step up in the world of driver license ID's since my current picture is terrible and my age makes the green coloured plastic all the more embarrassing. All in all, it was very exciting to receive my card and I'm officially a student at the University of Sydney. So I guess I'll use that as my proof of identity for now. Yay!

Then we had to run a million other errands for my mum while she was at work because she likes to take advantage of the fact that she doesn't have to - which I guess is fair since my sister and I do pretty much nothing but watch movies or read when we're at home. In saying that, our three months of holidays is soon ending. Luckily for my sister, we may even be going to uni together, so I'm sure she'll love that!

All of this morning's work managed to take my mind off of whatever it is that I'm missing and I'm sure it'll come to me eventually. But for the time being, I'm going to sit on my couch and watch "Valentine's Day" with my sister because the house is quiet and also because it's cheesy, lame and makes me gush at how romantic people get to be, even if it's unrealistic and silly. Don't mind me.

Also, to all my friends who have to go through this tutorial registration thing for their respective universities, good luck, don't stress too much and I hope that it all goes your way in the end!

Keep smiling!

Dramatic

2012-02-10T21:35:00.000+11:00

There is that amazing moment when you come across a vague quote on a blogging website and you instantly know what book it is from because you are currently reading it. And all of a sudden, so many other quotes make so much sense because they derive from this one brilliant book.

There is that amazing moment when you are with your friends and they both make fun of you for, not only the same thing, but the one thing that you said you weren't being. It makes you realise how well people actually know you, and how happy and comfortable you really are with them.

There is that amazing moment when you finally get the picture into what seems like the smallest locket in the history of the world. The failed attempts, scary music and foreign speakers yelling at you don't feel as pointless or frightening anymore. Talk about an interesting first time experience!

There is that amazing moment when you are asked to go somewhere with a friend, or even multiple. You feel included and that's all that you've really been looking lately.

There is that amazing moment when you learn something new about the world around you, the person that you love so dearly, the friends you're getting to know and the friends you already know.

There is that amazing moment when you see your friends change their education information and you realise that this growing up thing is actually happening and you couldn't be more proud of them.

There is that amazing moment when you find out that you have more in common than you first thought with a particular person and everything just feels right in that glorious moment.

Wild, wild life

2012-02-06T18:20:00.001+11:00

Location: Taronga Zoo, Sydney.

Please excuse the dates.

Darling

2012-02-05T13:45:00.000+11:00

This is a close up of my face. My very happy face.

This week has been one of the best weeks I've had in a very long while.

On Monday, Nat and I decided to get a little bit cultural and saw a French film in the city. It was an exceptionally warm and bright day to be out and about but it wasn't anything that we couldn't handle. Our early start left us with time to spare before the movie started so we snooped around at the lovely book store next door, which also had a cute little cafe upstairs. There were new books, second hand books, historical books and books which had messages written within them! The movie was really enjoyable and even though I knew very limited French, reading the subtitles wasn't that much of a hassle at all. The humour was absolutely perfect. For lunch, Nat and I picked up some light and delicious wraps as we observed the various activities in Hyde Park. Running, sleeping, listening to music, hanging by the fountain and tourist visits were common scenes. Our sunny day out came to a close as our timing for the train was perfect.

On Tuesday, Robert and I finally tried out a new Thai restaurant that we had been meaning to visit. It was a peaceful and quiet place for lunch as we chose to sit away from the open window. However, this did not stop little kids from surprising us with their antics and the wandering eyes of others. Since there wasn't much we could do due to a limited amount of time and sources of entertainment, we settled for a lovely afternoon to spend at the nearby park. This should have meant avoiding the sun and its harmful ways but of course didn't turn out that way as Robert ended up getting sunburnt as the day ended.

On Wednesday night, I was not only surprised in hearing my phone's message tone going off but also the fact that the message itself came from the University of Sydney. It turned out that I had forgotten that the second round of offers came out but that I had actually received one aswell! I've always wanted to go to that university so my night was easily made. The rest of the night consisted of attempting to figure out how to un-enrol out of my already accepted offer at UNSW while also working out how to choose my units of study for my course. It turns out that USYD requires you to actually go in person to enrol so I couldn't do all that exciting stuff online. For once, it actually felt like everything was working out in my favour.

On Thursday night, I had work. Lately, I've been enjoying work thoroughly. I think it's because I always encounter the most interesting kinds of people. Whether they are the grumpy kind, the funny kind, the creepy kind, the drunk kind, the family kind, the confused kind, the common kind, the loud kind, the stubborn kind or the cheerful kind, I'm always so surprised at what they come up with.

On Friday, my sister and I set out to USYD to sort out my enrolment related things as that was the specified date. We left early in the morning even though I wasn't supposed to enrol until 1pm. My sister enjoyed being a guide and pointing out faculties and food facilities to me. After we ate all that we could, we decided to see if I could enrol earlier than the said time. It turned out that I could! And, because I was so very organised and had chosen and written all of my subjects for the year, all I had to do was copy it onto the form. The enrolment process was entertaining as they set it out in an 'amazing race' kind of style which got you to go around to different buildings. It was tiring but the people I spoke to were so cheery - if not a little too much - and I managed to get everything done efficiently. My ID card shall arrive very shortly! Yay!

On Friday night, I went to dinner with some lovely people after not seeing them for a very, very long time. Melissa and Marnie picked me up as we headed to Hogs Breath to eventually meet our friends. The night was most splendid as our waitress was extremely nice and helpful and our food was wonderful.

As for my weekend, it has been rather relaxing with beautiful weather to top it off. I've had time to read, watch movies with my siblings, work on wedding decorations, listen to music and update you on my life. Also, I believe this is my 440th blog post! And I hope that you are all exceptionally well :)

Keep smiling!

Overwhelmed

2012-02-01T19:43:00.000+11:00

Some of my many thoughts throughout today:

Why isn't my backspace button cooperating?
I need to tell someone about my feelings.
I don't like the both of you right now.
His eyes are so blue!
I don't want to blog about that.
I'm being over dramatic about this.
I can't cut straight, even with measured lines.
This is a really lame and silly present to give someone.
What's with the rain?
It's February today!
You wouldn't even know if it hit you in the face.
I like this weather.
I should go and cook lunch.
Sorry I'm such an inconvenience.
I will never finish reading this book.
I should probably do some driving.
I suck miserably at being someone's somebody.
Why is everything annoying me today?
I'll write it down somewhere eventually.
Why would anyone voluntarily want to be with me?
I hope university is what I hope it to be.
Oh! My library books have come in!
I have work tomorrow night.
This song is catchy.
Why is my internet cutting out!?!

Sometimes

2012-01-29T13:39:00.000+11:00

There are days where I could talk about everything and anything.

There are days where I sit around playing minesweeper in hopes of winning.

There are days where I watch movies I've seen a thousand times before.

There are days where I just want to get through my reading list.

There are days where I miss people more than usual.

There are days where I try to learn a new skill.

There are days where I want to be severely organised and clean.

There are days where I need to go out for a walk to clear my head.

There are days where I hunt down music to add to my playlist.

There are days where I worry about the unknown.

There are days where I feel lonely.

There are days where I eat too much for my own good.

There are days where I don't want to leave my bed.
There are days where I am the worst person in the world.

There are days where I buy clothes even though I shouldn't.

There are days where I write letters that I don't send.
There are days where I know I am so very loved.

There are days where I attempt to be somewhat 'creative'.

There are days where I have the company of lovely people.

There are days where I make the effort to maintain communication.

There are days where I am simply happy, angry or frustrated.

There are days where I don't sleep until tomorrow.

There are days where I watch cartoons with my brothers.

There are days where I want more freedom.

There are days where I don't know where I stand with people.

There are days where I blog and hope my thoughts are cleared.

There are days where I know exactly what I want and what I don't need.

Unbelievable

2012-01-24T21:59:00.001+11:00

Location: Mount Annan Botanic Garden.

Fragile

2012-01-23T21:55:00.002+11:00

At this moment, as she sits at her newly organised desk with the sound of the tennis in the background, she feels content with her life. She's not completely happy or satisfied but, with certain aspects that have worked out for her, she honestly cannot complain - not even about the little things that usually plague her.

In about one month's time, she finally gets to start a new level of education where she'll study a course that apparently suits her brilliantly. There's also the opportunity to meet new people, to continually test her own limits and to discover the painful journey that is public transport. She's definitely nervous and anxious but at the same time very excited to see what will happen without having to think about what she used to hold onto back in high school all those months ago.

She has never been adventurous with music but the discovery of the 'old' and new tunes has put her in a positive mood lately. There always seems to be a song that reflects how she is feeling, what she should be saying, how other people are feeling and what is really going on in her head. She can't say that any of them are joined with any specific memories but new ones are definitely awaiting.

There are silly and ambitious dreams and plans being made with the boy who has a way of making her see only the good things. Their aspirations may be a very long way away and they may not come as easily as the spoken word but it's comforting to know that there is something that exists in the unknown. She knows it appears naive and crazy to others. She knows there's the possibility of everything falling through.

She isn't yet confident with the person that she is or the person that she appears to be growing into. She isn't confident with the friendships she may have at the moment. She isn't confident in her own abilities or expectations. She isn't confident in her own actions. But she's okay, she feels okay.

Instinctive

2012-01-17T20:29:00.000+11:00

Who is the first person that you tell your exciting news to?

Who is the first person that you share your happiness with?

Who is the first person that you call or text when you want to talk?

Who is the first person that you tell your silly stories to?

Who is the person that you share your deepest secrets with?

Who is the person that you know will never leave despite everything?

Who is the person that you turn to when everything falls apart?

Who is the person that you know won't judge you for what you say or do?

Who is the person that you know is always going to be honest with you?

Who is the person that you will always seek advice from?
Who is the person that you go to for a laugh or smile?

Who is the person that you turn to when you want to cry?
Who is the person that you know will never hurt you?
Who is the person that you share your true emotions with?

Who is the person that you admire for their friendship and loyalty?

Who is the person that you know you couldn't live without?

Who is the person that you share your dreams with?

Who is the person that you plan your future with?

Titanium

2012-01-16T20:29:00.001+11:00

Today consisted of:

Catching the train.
Catching the bus.
Runaway patients.
Walking in the rain.
Stained blood.
Cold vents.
Highlighted maps.
Death induced elevators.
Missing stairways.
Children's wards.
Mental patients.
Scary old women.
Non-matching tiles.
A job interview.
Westfields.
"Back in 15 minutes".
A completed job interview.
Lunch/breakfast.
Shirt stains.
Bottle towers.
Unsupervised children.
More, appropriately timed, rain.
Val's driving.
Radio ads.
Cushion fights.
That annoying beanie.
Too much information.
1000 piece puzzle.
Multiple languages.
Extra change.
Sherlock Holmes.
Hats.
Men's shirts.
Pink sunglasses.
Lovely company.

Momentary

2012-01-13T23:18:00.000+11:00

I have this intense craving for freedom. It had never really concerned me that I didn't get to go out often and to try new things but lately, I feel restricted, confined, claustrophobic and limited.

It feels as though I have given up a good amount of my time in the past to get something back in return now that I'm on a break from studying. But of course, getting past my parents has become an increasingly difficult task as I get older. I don't know if it's because they don't want my siblings and I to ever leave or if it's because they're terrified of humanity and its evil ways, but there has to be a line. Right?

I sound like an annoying teenager, I know. And I guess I haven't made my parents proud lately. But I would just like a bit more flexibility, something I wish that they understood once in a while. I only ever decide to go out to places with people I trust and it's not as though we end up in suspicious looking alleyways.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the times my parents have allowed me to venture out to places a good distance away from home. Believe me, I really appreciate it. It just so happens that doing something extreme only means that there is less chance of it happening ever again because, in their world, I've used up another coupon. I don't want to say what they're doing is unfair but it certainly feels like it sometimes.

Anyway, in other trivial concerns, I am feeling extremely nervous and worried about university. It's not long until I finally get to know if I'm sorted and ready to go for my future studies but all I can think about are negative outcomes. Largely because a lot of things don't usually go my way and although a part of me has gotten over that, it would be nice for something as important as this to work out, you know?

Also, I don't know about you, but isn't it just a little saddening to know that you're not someone's first choice even though you've been given the impression that you are? Or when someone does the exact thing that they know would annoy them if it were happening to them? It's really strange how these things change after school. I've always hoped that it wouldn't or that it couldn't. But it does afterall.

I believe that is all for now. I'll be sure to keep you posted on any further nonsense.

Keep smiling!

Crazy

2012-01-06T23:28:00.000+11:00

There was absolutely nowhere else that she would have preferred to be that afternoon. There was no one there to make them feel uncomfortable or for others to feel that exact same way.

~~~

He had met her at the quiet, run down train station in the most casual outfit she had ever seen him wear, a thought she decided to keep to herself. Their conversation travelled in numerous directions from education, job opportunities, minor activities for the day and the impact of her aura on their luck with the older trains. He couldn't help but to pick on and to expose her strange little habits as she attempted to hide how much she loves the attention he constantly pays to her whenever they are together.

She hadn't yet reached any level of familiarity with their location, despite having visited once before. She was very uncertain of how she should act, what she should be doing and how comfortable she was allowed to make herself in his space. But his confidence and his joy at her being alone with him was enough to rid of any unnecessary worries she may have been having.

The rest of the afternoon went by wonderfully and perfectly. They had more time to themselves than usual and there was no rush in their plans for a change. She found his attempt to prepare lunch endearing and entertaining to watch as he set out to prove that he knew just how to make the best nachos. The attempt turned into success as nothing had caught on fire and lunch turned out deliciously.

With the television playing in the background and the comfort of him by her side, she could have fallen asleep right there in his arms. It was one of those moments she could never forget and the look in his eyes told her that he didn't want her to ever leave, something she had no problem promising him.

List Away

2012-01-02T12:25:00.001+11:00

A random selection of things you may need in life, according to me:

Family.
People who won't let you down, who are fun, who are helpful, who you trust, who are honest.
Oxygen. And plenty of it.
Well written literature.
Personal space and boundaries.
Morals.
Inspiration.
Memories.
Photographs.
Adventures.
A blog.
A passion, a dream, for something.
Education.
Love.
Computer games.
Challenges.
Sleep.
Movies you can watch countless times.
Newspapers.
Something you can hold onto when things get tough.
Patience.
A good tv show.
Chocolate.
Good quotes.
Parks.
Coffee.
Catchy songs.
Sarcastic remarks.
Surprises.

I hope you all have a great 2012!

Nothing Else

2011-12-31T01:18:00.000+11:00

When did I become so sad?

When did I become so doubtful?

When did I become so unreliable?

When did I become so tired?

When did I become so helpless?

When did I become so lost?

When did I become so proud?

When did I become so broken?

When did I become so selfish?

When did I become so pathetic?

When did I become so paranoid?

When did I forget how to be happy?

When did I forget how to be a friend?

When did I forget how to be nice?

When did I forget how to apologise?

When did I forget how to sleep?

When did I forget how to have fun?

When did I forget how to give?

When did I forget how to be myself?

When did it become okay to leave the year on a negative?

Broken

2011-12-28T10:42:00.000+11:00

You can't help but feel...

Empty.

Forgotten.

Useless.

Pathetic.

Angry.

Unwanted.

Alone.

But you have to convince yourself that you're...

Fine.

Okay.

Fine.

Okay.

Before you

2011-12-23T15:48:00.000+11:00

You know, a lot of things can go wrong in a short matter of time. Sometimes it's because you're being overemotional about everything and other times it's because one incorrect thing can make it seem as though the world is ending and the ground underneath you is about to give way.

Lately, it has felt like that for me. For a while, anything that happened to me felt unfair and as though it was a personal attack on my life, something along the lines of being karma. Honestly, it didn't feel good at all, it was difficult to feel as though I was doing anything right by anyone and seeing friends was last on my list.

But then, in the midst of all that misery and uncontrollable distaste for the world, little positive things were pointed out to me by people around me. It started to become easier to see that, even though things didn't and aren't going my way, there are remedies to make me feel better, to want to get out of bed.

Things like wrapping holiday gifts, hanging out with my favourite people, attempting to be creative, eating chocolate and macaroons, watching Friends and Grey's, delivering mail to my friends, writing letters and listening to music relevant to my life somehow managed to help me put things in a much brighter light.

Sure, there is still the worry in the back of my mind about what may happen next because I see all these other people moving on and doing things with their lives, but I know that I've done all that I can for now. When the time comes where I can actually change certain aspects, then I will.

And of course, it's not easy to admit how terrible you feel to people who have rarely seen you so low, but you have to believe that they are there to be supportive and to not use it as ammunition against you. It takes a lot of trust but you need to have those people who believe in you, especially when you're not feeling too great about life. It sucks for a little while but things change and sometimes, they even get better.

Happy holidays!

White Flag

2011-12-14T18:55:00.003+11:00

I want you to be confident about this, about yourself, about us.

I want this sinking feeling of sadness and helplessness to leave me.

I want to be able to talk about it without feeling upset.

I want you to be able to do things on your own.

I want the truth, even if it's not what I would like to hear or read.

I want to get through this waiting game already.

I want to do something stupid just to feel alive.

I want to know how it will all play out in the end.
I want to have confidence in my life.

I want to avoid anymore surprises. I've already had my fair share.

I want you to be able to hold me while I cry like a child.

I want to be able to figure things out for once.

I want you to just listen as I tell you everything on my mind.

I want to know that, and feel as though, I am no longer pretending.

I want to be sure of what it is that I really want.

I want to at least be content with everything.

Ponder

2011-12-08T22:17:00.000+11:00

I have a few questions regarding facebook etiquette because it seems that no matter what you write or post, people get annoyed quite easily. I don't like doing the wrong things by people and my return to the social networking site recently has left me confused. So if you have any answers, please let me know:

Is it okay to have a conversation on your friend's wall?
Or should all conversations occur through inbox?
Does liking a status in the space of a few seconds since it's update indicate that I have no life?
Do I write my status in third person!?
Does it still annoy people when others share 'inside jokes'?
Am I supposed to use the weird scrolling thing on the side?
Should it feel as though everyone except myself is doing something with their lives?
Are you allowed to update how you feel or will that be attacked?
Do people still post song lyrics as their status? Is it okay to?
Why don't people upload photos into album's anymore!?!
Am I allowed to post on my boyfriend's wall?
Or is that considered 'flaunting' our relationship?
Do I need to apologise for a late reply or is delay expected?
If your profile picture is of yourself, does it now come off as being pretentious?
Am I allowed to comment on the weather?
Are there actually any full proof privacy settings on the site?

That is all for tonight.

All over it

2011-12-07T22:27:00.000+11:00

I seem to work better with writing about my life in a condensed format. I guess because it's a lot easier for me to verbally talk about anything than to write it. You would think that having a blog would somewhat help in that department but I am clearly lacking. Anyway, here I go once again.

On Sunday night, Divya held her 18th birthday party and I was looking forward to hanging out with some lovely people for the night. A requirement of a fancy hat or wig was most unnecessary as we managed to create a rave-like atmosphere with intense light flashing from Robert's iPhone App thing. At one stage, we also played Tip and Hide and Seek out on the street. Both games brought great confusion!

Kartik also showed off his dance moves as he seemed to know every song that came on. Ghost stories in the dark were shared in an attempt to scare each other but this proved to be unsuccessful. However, James found hilarity in his own quest to give me a heart attack. Dinner at 11pm brought us together as if we were family, Amy expressed her lack of knowledge about Mexican food, Sean stereotyped, photos were taken and pillow fights followed as we raided Divya's room and the night came to a close.

Monday morning/afternoon was the usual park scene for Robert and I as he was waiting for Jarrad to head up to their vacation for the week. The weather was a little cold for a stroll but I braved the wind as Robert shivered immensely, haha. I also did minimal amounts of skating as the 'longboard' joined us. It wasn't long until the rain was a given sign for us to head back. Also, the UAC people sent out ATAR related things.

Then we come to today. Wednesday. Mostly because yesterday consisted of nothing worth mentioning and today is my lovely and wonderful best friend's 18th birthday! Yay! As with any birthday, I feel the need to message and attack people as soon as the morning hits. I don't know why I'm so intent on doing so, even though, technically, their birthday's may not be until later that afternoon or night. Don't mind me.

Despite technicalities though, I spent the morning and afternoon with Natalie as we finally found time to do some extreme catching up on everything. We did a little Christmas shopping at Macarthur, where the lady at Tree of Life shared one of her embarrassing stories with us. After being unable to find the Disney movies that I was after, we headed to Pancakes before the influx of shoppers. Finding parking was a lot more difficult than anything. We then spent a solid three hours chatting about everything.

There was little time to rest as a birthday dinner was to be attended to celebrate Melissa's big 18th! A downpour of rain did not dampen anyone's spirits as there was a ridiculous amount of laughter and hilarious stories told. Grant's need to be efficient ensured that we never got thirsty during the night and that everything was done accordingly. The drive home was even more interesting as a new route left many unsure, haha. It was an absolutely enjoyable evening and I hope that the birthday girl had a blast!

Let's see how the rest of my week plays out.

Keep smiling :)

I'm going to go

2011-12-02T23:33:00.000+11:00

Hey there! Sorry for the long absence in updating you guys on the happenings of my life. Although I have all this free time, I've reached a level of boredom and am lacking in any routine that leads me to blog. However, I'm here to fill you in on what you've been missing out on, just in case you're curious and all.

I'll start with the fact that I signed out of high school once and for all! I actually did a while ago but never got around to telling you about it. It seemed that I had chosen a bad day for a few of us to do so because most teachers were away. Teachers that we did see kept telling us that we appeared to be a lot more relaxed than when they last saw us - which makes sense because exams were looming around that time.

A few weeks ago, Robert, Sean, Morgan and I went and saw the Mary Poppins musical at the Capitol Theatre. It was pretty amazing even though the children around us knew the songs better than we did as it had been a while since we saw the movie version. We also came to the conclusion that Sean knows too much random trivia and that we are awesome at solving the word puzzle in the newspaper.

My sister and I went and saw a children's Christmas movie called Arthur Christmas on Monday. It was actually not a bad film at all. The plot made sense and the animated characters were pretty interesting to watch. Except of course, there's always that one guy who can't help but be annoying. And so he was.

I had a family barbecue not too long ago because we hadn't in a while and thought we would take a chance on the weather. It turns out that it was actually a pretty good day to be out. So we just hung out at the park, ate lunch, had a water fight, kicked the football, laughed at anything and relaxed on picnic blankets.

There were also multiple trips to Macarthur with Robert for various reasons. In total, we walked through the rain, visited an empty park, bought birthday presents, caught old trains, bought new clothes, caught an air conditioned bus, didn't pay attention to a movie and had a little child stare at us while we ate lunch.

Yesterday, my younger sister had her year 10 formal! This meant that we took about a million photos because my mother always worries about not having enough. This also meant that there are a million group photos of us looking stupid because it got tiring after a while. Hopefully there are some nice ones there.

The most recent update is that Melissa and I learnt how to skate today thanks to Robert, James, Duncan and Kevin! The initial stages were quite slow and difficult as I was very hesitant about taking my foot off of the ground. Melissa was a lot more brave as she began to favour Duncan's board and, according to herself, travelled one metre on one of her first few attempts, haha. It got a lot easier for her as the day progressed as she managed to "carve" and travel a lot further. There is actually some logic to this skating business and I'm sure that our girly screams and cries for someone to catch us provided the boys with great entertainment.

So that's what I've been up to lately. And I must apologise for the incredible length of this post. I highly commend and thank you for reading through it all if you did! I hope you are all well.

Keep smiling :)

Revelation

2011-11-28T20:08:00.001+11:00

People have this constant ability to surprise you. It's really quite amazing.

Someone who you've known your whole life can one day do or say something that will catch you off guard and change your opinion of them in less than a minute. Or it's the silence that does it. The surprise lack of communication triggers the unfamiliarity felt and a state of uneasiness makes its presence known. It's scary to think such a thing can happen between people but it does. They change, you change.

Sometimes though, it can make you appreciate and respect those individuals more than ever. You realise that there was a lot more that you didn't know, that maybe, just maybe, these people are going to stick around. They surprise you with the amount of effort they're willing to put in and in that moment, you know people out there care for you and that you'd do anything to reciprocate the effort.

Up to you

2011-11-23T15:36:00.001+11:00

Words I had planned and wanted to say to you today but didn't because I value my pride too much:

"You know how I told you that I don't cry at all? And that it takes a lot for someone to reduce me to tears? Well, you managed to be that someone on two separate occasions. The first was on the day that we had sent different messages to each other simultaneously and you told me that you would continue to fight for me for as long as it took. It amazed me that, even though I told you about the past, you were still willing to do that. That you would still love me. The second time was last night. Even though yesterday's change of plans was completely my fault, your short replies later that afternoon managed to hurt me. I had always feared that your love for me was far stronger than mine for you but, last night, when I couldn't sleep because I kept replaying your cold, blunt words in my mind and waiting for you to send me a message of some sort, I realised that I was terribly afraid of losing you. That even the thought of not being with you scared me. That was the first night that I went to bed upset and angry with you. And waking up didn't make the feeling disappear either."

What made it worse was that it was so difficult for me to look at and talk to you this morning without feeling as though I was on the verge of crying right there in public. I didn't want you to see me as weak.

By the Sea

2011-11-14T21:15:00.001+11:00

Today was a scorching day to go and visit the beach. However, Robert and I went through with our plans to visit the 15th anniversary of the Sculptures by the Sea on the Bondi to Tamarama costal walk.

The day began with Val and her mother joining us on part of our train ride as they were headed out on an adventure of their own. There was definitely bickering between Val and Robert as the same insults were being said. Robert's nosiness also saw him figuring out what the man in front of us was watching. As Val left, Robert and I were left to our own to make sense of where we were going as neither of us had enough knowledge about the beach and its surroundings. This led us to following rather helpful signs as we made our way to the bus stations. We even managed to get on the right bus as a group of older individuals were also headed to see the sculptures. Their mumbling amongst themselves proved helpful to us.

Once there, the walk began with a little bit of confusion as an excavation site was revealed. But with the map on Robert's phone, we realised that we were going to do the walk backwards. Nonetheless, it was still going to be extremely interesting as there was nowhere to hide from the heat. Due to our lack of art knowledge and creative outlooks, our interpretations of the increasingly abstract artworks were more intriguing than the products themselves as we attempted to make sense of it all in our heads. In the end, we realised that it was probably best not to think too much about its deeper meaning.

"Pac-man" - Robert.

We eventually found a lovely place to sit for a while as the sun was taking its toll on the sculpture seeing. Here, the trees provided us with excellent shelter as swarms of busy school children were admiring and taking photographs of the art around them. Robert and I found great interest in listening to their views of what they thought the pieces meant. Even infants were starting their artistic careers early as they were found getting up close and personal with a few. One even found Robert very attractive to look at!

Us and the Ocean.

The remainder of the journey wasn't too difficult as we found sculptures in the most interesting of places, sometimes even missing them as we walked past. It was an interesting experience but the both of us were too hungry to even count the kilometres that we had conquered. Walking through Bondi was another adventure in itself as we aimed to find a healthy lunch. This came in the form of sandwiches, wraps and iced tea as we found safety in the grasslands of the beach away from the sun.

One of the more clever artworks.

After lunch, our next location was unknown as we headed out for ice cream and Robert bought a pair of sunglasses. We decided that we would get back to familiar territory and venture to the city to watch a movie. Our first stop to the Opera House was a little disappointment as major construction seemed to be occurring. So we bought ferry tickets to Darling Harbour and waited patiently with two very strange women for our ride. Sitting outside turned out to be an awful idea as the sun was still very high in the sky.

Because this was a library and I like libraries.

With little to choose from, we settled on watching Tornado Alley in the Imax Theatre. This was a short documentary about scientists who chase tornado's in their path in order to collect more details and images. All I remember clearly was that the V2 nickname given to the team reminded me of something I learnt in Modern earlier in the year. The film wasn't too bad and the 3D in the Imax was pretty amazing!

Bus journey to the city!

The rest of the afternoon just saw Robert and I chilling in the nearby park as we didn't have anywhere in particular to go. This part was definitely the highlight of our day as it wasn't too hot, I judged two boys practising their skateboard tricks and the birds decided not to attack us with the poison in their beaks. It also led to the both if us breaking rules in our books and serious moral questions being raised, haha.

Vain

2011-11-09T23:54:00.001+11:00

Because sometimes, it becomes instinct to pretend that everything is okay, that nothing is changing over time, that people aren't forgetting, that you're not losing faith, that you're not holding onto false hope, that this is what is supposed to happen, that you've tried your hardest, that someone still truly cares, that you don't find yourself the saddest when you're at your happiest, that you don't miss people and places, that everything will work itself out, that the pain doesn't pierce deeper into your heart every single time.

And in your head, you tell yourself that this will be the last time you let things like that get to you, that you're just being childish, that it doesn't matter anymore, that life goes on anyway, that there are always better things to look forward to, that your life isn't really all that terrible, that people deserve the happiness they have found, that it's not your place to destroy or ruin that, that as long as you've tried it means you're getting somewhere, that you have to accept the facts, that you can't always win.

Promises

2011-11-05T17:38:00.002+11:00

All she chooses to remember from that night were those wonderful 15 minutes or so that they had to themselves. He had happily followed her as she clumsily stepped up onto the trampoline after the hyperactive children had dispersed and wandered off to their own mischief. He caught her off guard by gently pulling her down so that they were lying alongside each other, their hands intertwined.

She was as disappointed as he that the heavy clouds had hidden the stars and the moon away. He wished to show off his new found knowledge about the way they shone in the sky and she thought of nothing better than to look up and to see them sparkling in the night as she lay next to the boy who had stolen her heart.

He propped himself up on one shoulder and leaned in to kiss her, smiling as he did because he had missed her incredibly over the past couple of days and also because he knew that this was the kind of moment the hopeless romantic within her had always wanted. The ash from the nearby bonfire continued to fall, landing in her hair as she could hear the whispers of those around her, wondering if they were intruding.

But it wasn't long until they were interrupted by the swarm of troublesome children again. The moment was taken away from them in an instant as the silence turned into havoc and they were outnumbered. They were left with no choice but to venture elsewhere and to enter a world outside of their own.

She knows she's silly for being so consumed in this but it is the first crazy risk she has taken in her very organised and calculated life. And, as the night came to a close and her mind was replaying the look on his face as he made no intention of hiding how in love he was with her, her consequential fear had led her to promise to not let him allow her to fall into the mistakes she has seen happen too many times before.

Blue Eyed

2011-11-03T20:42:00.001+11:00

This is what I did today, in all dot point glory:

Watched the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy.
Threw out a lot of stuff in my room.
Found money in my room.
Heard the start of the rain falling in the early hours of the morning.
Skyped with Robert.
Stalked people who were still doing their HSC.
Almost felt sorry for them but was feeling too selfish and happy to.
Made a very healthy salad.
Posted too many photos on Tumblr about my morning.
Boxed most of my school work except for History stuff.
Tried to sort my History stuff but it got too complicated.
Played music quite loud.
Started reading 'The history of love'.
Cooked lunch for the siblings.
Burnt the side of my finger.
Edited my sister's essay because it's due tomorrow.
Emailed my teacher about career related nonsense.
Went to work and served some very lovely people.

I know it has only been one day, but this spare time is relaxing and so very peaceful.

Pens Down

2011-11-02T20:52:00.001+11:00

After 3 weeks, 2 English exams, 6 more other exams, countless revision notes and past papers, library study sessions, moments of anxiety, hand cramps, forgetting my student number, multiple writing booklets, computerised sheets, black pens, good luck wishes and strange supervisors, my HSC is now complete.

It's really finished. I have somehow managed to survive the one thing that I've been working towards for two very stressful and confusing years. Which means that there is nothing I can possibly do to change the number that arrives in a month's time but also that I now have plenty of time to relax!

I must say that, even though I didn't update my blog during the exams, you people have still been visiting. So that's a bonus to come back to! I promise that there will be new things to read from time to time instead of old posts from a month ago. I am glad that my life interests you enough to keep reading!

Anyway, after our much dreaded Chemistry exam, James and I headed to Macarthur today as a kind of celebratory outing and to also do some gift shopping. We were soon joined by Sarah - who was being a good Legal Studies student and actually studying. Once there, we decided on lunch and joined Melissa and Amie before heading off to find presents. It wasn't long until the girls had realised that their parking was limited and so James and I were left to venture off on our own. And we managed quite well in dealing with a very unpleasant sales assistant and questioning why people choose to damage their lungs.

I have to say that it was a good start to the end. I'm not really sure what to do with my time as of yet but there will definitely be lots of reading, watching tv, walking around my house aimlessly, possible bike riding, cleaning and not enough sleeping. Okay, maybe there are more things to do than I thought. And I don't think this amount of freedom will be good for me, haha. We'll see.

But it'll be a nice change from the craziness that has been consuming life lately. The fact that I've completely finished hasn't hit me yet so when it does, expect to read about me freaking out on here first!

I hope you have all been well! Have a lovely November.

Wow, it's November already!

Gone

2011-10-11T22:06:00.000+11:00

I think that's one of the many things that you will never be able to understand. Well, that's not unless I show you the exchange of words that once occurred. But that's something I can't see myself doing, not only because it will crush your spirit but also because it's what I hold sacred. It's that last little piece I have before everything went wrong. Before I decided to prove how self-righteous I could be by pushing people away.

~~~

What you don't know is that, sometimes, I do go back and re-read them. All the words shared in what feels like a lifetime ago. Whenever I find it difficult to match the 'real' you with the person you appeared to be to me, I allow myself to delve into your stories, your sense of humour and your high level of panic at times. It never fails to make me laugh at the silly things we told each other and the routine we came to develop.

~~~

I couldn't find any other way to end this besides saying sorry. It's only right that I do apologise to you because you didn't and you currently don't deserve the confusion, anger, sadness, jealousy and frustration that I managed to impose on you. I know it seems like I'm stubbornly holding onto this but I am trying so hard not to. I doubt you still read this but if you happen to, I do hope you know that this was for you too.

Incessant

2011-10-02T18:50:00.000+11:00

Today was one of those days where I managed to stress.

Today was one of those days where I felt a little helpless.

Today was one of those days where I was incredibly confused.

Today was one of those days where I saw the bigger picture.

Today was one of those days where I missed people more than usual.

Today was one of those days where I wished I could do a little more.

Today was one of those days where I laughed with my sisters about nothing.

Today was one of those days where I sung corresponding songs to various movies.

Today was one of those days where I realised I have no hope in English.

Today was one of those days where I wanted to stay in bed all day.
Today was one of those days where I needed someone to say they need me.

Today was one of those days where I actually worried about blogging.
Today was one of those days where I proved to myself that I'm not a good person.

Today was one of those days where I was in need of a lengthy conversation.

Today was one of those days where I longed for some company other than my family.

Today was one of those days where I knew that I was doing everything I wasn't supposed to.

Weak

2011-09-30T00:06:00.000+10:00

I want to tell you things you'll treasure.

I want to write you words you'll remember.

I want to share many more months with you.

I want to teach you things you've never learnt before.

I want to make you laugh at how weird I actually am.

I want to give you stories to brag about to your friends.

I want to convince you that I'll always be the one for you.

I want to find out all about you and your little habits.

I want to be the one who brings a smile to your face.

I want to show you that I'm worth the stubbornness.

I want to help you understand my very confusing ways.

I want to let you see me at my very best and at my very worst.

I want to prove to myself that I don't need to be so afraid of this.

Memorable

2011-09-23T21:05:00.001+10:00

I'm not sure how to articulate the events of the past two days but it has been too amazing not to try.

Graduation
When I woke up, it certainly did not feel as though my high school career was going to formally come to a close and so I was more excited as opposed to being sad or nervous. I was also particularly calm as I arrived to school and met up with the lovely friends. It got a little crazy when I decided to be helpful and chase after the programs to hand out as no one was designated to do so. This meant that I didn't get to relax with the friends and was instead getting elbowed in the head before the assembly would begin.

Sean and I also had to clear things up with Mr N about the proceedings of the assembly as the program proved to be confusing and misleading. However, before we knew it, it was time to sit through our graduation. The highlight of the speeches would had to have been Mr N's as he managed to cleverly incorporate Economics terminology throughout. Sean and I didn't do too bad either as there were little murmurs of laughter from the audience.

There also seemed to be a lot of random proceedings happening with musical performances, gift giving and powerpoint presentations taking up most of the assembly. Everyone was more relieved when it was finally time to receive our Year 12 portfolio's. Our rehearsal paid off as we walked on orderly and thanked Koosache on our way out. Then, it was time for us to officially leave as the graduating class of 2011.

Post-graduation assembly saw the congregation of various people as photos were snapped and others rushed off to their appointments. It still didn't feel like the end to me, even though both Melissa and Amie were in tears at some point. Either I was in a sense of denial or it'll hit me twice as hard later on. Everyone soon disappeared as I thanked a few of my teachers for their ability to survive our grade and I was certain to cry if Mr Lev had kept carrying on. Luckily I didn't and decided to head home to kill time before the formal.

Formal
As 4pm rolled around, our awesome stretch limousine arrived and the dashing Robert, James and Kartik along with the gorgeous Amie and Sarah put their best dress forward. We took a few quick photos as the party was determined to hit the road. We thoroughly confused our driver as we switched from radio to CD then back to radio. Nonetheless, the dance moves were showcased and James kept breaking things. We would make stops to our two separate hotels and lost Sarah in the process as she was meeting up with others whilst kindly taking care of our luggage.

We arrived at the wharf an hour early but this allowed us to take photos before the sun went down and to receive strange looks from the people in the restaurants. A few teachers were also spotted along the wharf as they were having a pre-formal meet up. It wasn't until the sun disappeared that the beautiful dresses began arriving as the girls and boys cleaned up very, very well. A billion cameras, flashes, photographers and mothers later, it was time to board the party boat as we were ready to set sail for the final time as a cohort.

The night was absolute fun as we all couldn't sit still and were more than happy to dance the night away. This resulted in uncoordinated people like me learning some very new dance moves as the music was turned up, lyrics were belted out and the boat circled the beautiful harbour. It was also very entertaining to see the teachers having such an amazing time.

As Sean and I customarily cut the cake, the boat would eventually head towards the dock as the dancing had to come to an end. Melissa, Amie and I were very reluctant to leave and even took a seat as others were leaving. But we eventually said goodbye to our teachers and took a cupcake on the way out as the pain and tiredness I felt in my feet symbolised the extent to which I actually danced.

Later on that night/very early the next morning
Melissa, Amie, James, Robert and I then slowly and painfully ventured to the Meriton as we checked out the view and then visited the party in the penthouse. We were also kindly told my a stranger to put our shoes on as we could get infected by syringes and such. The party didn't last very long as it was against hotel policy to have visitors after 11pm and we were requested to return to our own room. James and Robert would also leave us soon after as they headed back to their hotel.

Then, a series of drunken phone calls left the girls and I erupting in laughter yet feeling very sentimental. This mischief meant that we didn't head to bed until around 4am, leaving us with very little sleep as we were required to check out at 10am. However, we had plenty of time to spare as Robert made his way over and we all headed down to McDonald's for some breakfast before having our room checked out and sorted.

As the girls made their way back to the train station to get home, Robert and I decided to stay for a while longer and get lunch with the others who were still hanging around. This was an interesting choice as we were both very tired and so were very delirious at one point or another. We did get through lunch though and agreed that it was about time we eventually headed home as Robert was ready to fall asleep.

It was all a very wonderful way to end high school and I am thrilled that I got to spend it with some very, very awesome people. Now we'll just have to get through the next month or so of exams.

Good luck to you all!

Empty

2011-09-21T17:27:00.000+10:00

Here's what happened on the last full Wednesday I'll ever have at school.

The morning began with gift giving as I finally handed out the survival packages that I had been meaning to give out to people for a while now. It seemed to go well with everyone, so that was good.

Then, the first two periods of the day would consist of rehearsal for graduation tomorrow! I think a combination of reality and nervousness contributed to Robert continuously laughing at me because I couldn't sit still as Koosache was trying to be all emotional and stuff.

It was easy to get into alphabetical order inside the hall but when it was time to practice from outside, it proved to be too difficult. Nevertheless, we went through the program, sorted out confusing parts, tested out the music and looked back on the junior years as we watched our Year 10 video.

Sean and I then headed off to Mrs D's office to get into speech writing mode as the others were left to sign my shirt and do various things. The speech wasn't going that well so it was good timing to have our lovely and crazy friends bombard and crowd in the room as photos were taken and the music was turned up.

It all settled down once the bell had rung for third period as people headed off to their English parties. Sean, James, Val, Amie and I then made quick plans to head down the road to buy goods for one of our teachers. Amie felt it necessary to shout random things to people from the car and attempt to use her silly string. We did get the shopping done and headed back to school without James as he went to the hairdressers.

It was then time for Modern. Mr Lev had planned a party for us and gave us one of his serious and sentimental speeches - which Sarah was insistent on making comments about throughout. Our party wasn't all that exciting but we were joined by the other Ancient class and people who were still hanging around. There was even a water fight happening and Divya seemed to be the target! I am saddened to know that I won't have another proper Modern lesson in that silly orange room with that 'wise' teacher of mine.

My day would end with a party in Extension English as Mrs C brought in a crazy amount of food in an attempt to fatten Sean and I. We even received lovely gifts with lovely messages written within them! It then got a little intense as Sean and I tried so very hard at thinking back on significant things that had happened each year. But it's not as easy as it sounds. We just chilled for the two hours, practised our speeches and failed at carrying out a science experiment of our own. It was a nice note to leave on though.

I should also note that today was the last official day of high school. It's all really ending.

Gene Pool

2011-09-20T16:25:00.001+10:00

Here's what happened on the last full Tuesday I'll ever have at high school.

Chemistry friends

Roll call

I don't talk about roll call much because I'm usually not actually in mine. But today was our last ever lesson of PBIS so I couldn't really get out of it. Anyway, we pretty much just talked about whether or not things should be legalised or allowed in regards to drugs and smacking children. It made for great discussion.

Modern

Our last actual lesson consisted of blurting out random content as we went over the syllabus. We did a pretty good job and managed to remember relevant names, dates and events. Sarah was also a little upset that we interrupted her phone call to her dad but I'm certain that the rest of the lesson made up for it.

Chemistry

This lesson was horrible in the sense that we could tell that Mr B wanted to hit us for not knowing what he was on about as we went through our last topic. It was painful for us to watch him try to hint answers at us. This meant that when James shouted the right answer, Mr B was taken aback a little and had to think for a moment before agreeing with the answer. We ended with taking a class photo.

Economics

We pretty much did nothing in this period as we were in party mode. Mr N had bought ice-creams for us as we sat around taking photos and doing as we pleased. Taking a class photo proved to be difficult as people were missing at times and no one really knew what was going on. We did get there in the end.

English

After realising that there wasn't much happening in class, James, Val, Joelle and I went for an adventurous walk to visit Noakes. Unfortunately, his class was doing an exam so our conversation was kept to a minimum. We then decided that it would be a better option to go outside and play handball. So we did.

Math

Our last ever lesson was commemorated with a pizza party where we simply enjoyed each other's company. The other class was also having a party of their own aswell so at times there were intruders walking back and forth. It was sad realising that we would never have a Math class again. But Mrs S left us with some wise advice by ensuring that we're safe drivers and that we raise intelligent kids. I'll miss Math for sure.

I still can't believe this is it for high school but I also think that we've reached the peak and that we wouldn't make it through if we stayed any longer. My thoughts about it changes often. It's just very bittersweet.

Clicking

2011-09-19T18:59:00.000+10:00

Here's what happened on the last full Monday I'll ever have at high school.

Math
Mrs S introduced us to a very positive lesson with an enlightening activity. We were each given a card and were required to write something nice on each other's card without getting your own during the process. Once everyone had signed each card, the owner could then receive their card and laugh at the ridiculous amounts of in-jokes that resonated. It didn't seem too difficult for everyone to write lovely things about one another and apparently the effects of a positive comment can last up to 2 months. It was a great start!

Chemistry
Mr B indicated to us the times we could see him for assistance during the exam period as we had our last lesson in the room we had named 'Antarctica'. Not much else happened during the lesson as we went through the multiple choice of a past paper and my watch ran out of battery. Yep.

Modern
Intense discussion took place here as we finally finished off our last topic. There was also some unsettledness happening in the classroom but most of us seemed to be in good spirits.

Ancient
Discussion also occurred but it was over and done with rather quickly as there wasn't a great deal of detail in regards to Sparta. Mr Lev was also feeling sentimental as he told us that we were nothing but awesome, obviously. However, his attempt to leave with words of 'wisdom' failed as we kept interrupting. This allowed Melissa, Amie and I to enact our amazing plan to attack him with silly string. I have to say that it was a brilliant plan that succeeded wonderfully. Revenge was then sought as Melissa's hair was targeted.

Economics
Mr N had surprisingly not forgotten that we were to work on formulas and graphs in today's lesson. Such occurred as a new 'Exit' sign was being installed and we took a moment to think back on the students who had not made it through Economics. It was an interesting lesson but felt as though it went on forever.

English
Mrs K had kindly prepared a pizza party for us and left us to our own conversations as a survey was to be filled out as part of the fun activities for the formal night. There was also loads of laughter and a competitive drive from Sean as he was determined to prove that he did indeed have the best hair! The lesson ended with a trip to the recycling bin that didn't turn out too well as we were intersected by unhygienic and rude children and the rubbish was tossed into the wrong bin. Oh well.

And of course my Monday ended with an afternoon lesson of Chemistry to which James, Val and I showed up late for as we had a rather lengthy conversation with Noakes. We left wondering what to do with our afternoons as Mathew was already experiencing a sense of withdrawal and emptiness.

Agitated

2011-09-17T21:50:00.001+10:00

There are some moments during the night where I think about how everything is happening so fast. Again. I still freak out about how high school is nearly finished - even though it's inevitable and is just around the corner - and the lingering issue of not knowing what it is I want to do as I go on to further study.

The concept of time has always stumped me, kept me on my toes and occupied my mind on far too many occasions. Sometimes there's too little, sometimes there's too much and sometimes it even seems non-existent. And I can never win. I can never settle with the present because time gets in the way.

The knowledge that I am unprepared for scary things like the HSC doesn't help my buzzing mind because I know that there isn't another chance after this. And although I know this isn't going to define the rest of my life, it's one of those things that I want to prove to people I can accomplish well. I don't feel I've taken past opportunities to showcase what I'm capable of so it would be awesome to leave on a positive.

I just worry about it all. I want to have enjoyed every single moment of every experience but when I have time to think about it, it never appears as though I have. I've let moments pass by, I've rushed through things I know I didn't need to, I've said the wrong things and I've failed to be the hero of the story.

It's not as though you can just relive those moments either, which is what makes my heart feel so heavy at times. I should take it all in whilst it's still here but as calculated or spontaneous as I try to be, something always gets in the way or I eventually get sick and tired of bothering with anything - which doesn't help.

I don't really know how to write how I feel. I do know that a part of me is so very excited to see the person that I could become but that another part of me doesn't have a problem with waiting another few years. Obviously you can tell that my life is very difficult and complicated right now.

Forgiven

2011-09-16T17:23:00.000+10:00

Let me start by saying that everything about today was absolutely brilliant and wonderful.

Our last ever proper school day on a Friday had a lot more excitement installed than what I initially thought. So it was only right that Sarah turned up in the morning with a story to tell about how she managed to trip over the curb as she was walking in. This would lead to bickering between her and Robert.

After arriving late to Math, we took advantage of our last ever double by going through the 2008 exam. It actually didn't prove to be too difficult as James and I managed to get through the first question without much trouble. There were definitely some questions that I would avoid in the exam but that year seemed to get a little lucky. The period ended with pizza party discussions and inevitable confusion.

Double English was avoided by James, Val, Amie and I as we sorted ourselves out for lunch and continued working on place setting things for the formal in the senior area. It was nice to just sit and talk - even though our conversations are usually very strange. Then we started to get a little excited as the barbecue and the popcorn and snow cone machine were put in place ready for the lunch time activities.

When lunch did come around, that's where all the fun really began. At first, things started off slow as everyone seemed a little unsure about things but as we took turns working the snow cone machine, kicking the football and gathered in groups, there was a real sense of enjoyment amongst everyone. The deputy joined us and seemed to be having a pretty good time as other teachers came to see what we were up to.

I think the major mistake was letting Robert near water or ice as he, along with many of his 'loyal' conspirators, believe it to be funny to drench me unexpectedly. This happened on more than one occasion and there was no point after that where I was actually dry. However, others were also targeted and it was hilarious to see how tricky those with water bottles got as they found their prey. I believe a few teachers also managed to find themselves being under attack as Josh proved to be too quick for us to catch.

There also seemed to be an increase in the number of Nerf guns from the other day so Melissa found much entertainment from shooting at Amie. It also added to the fun for those who were still hanging around as ammunition was being shot around and my aiming skills were certainly put to the test.

We also signed our names on the year 12 square (yay!) and was a process which appeared to stress people out. But it looks really good right now so the hope is there that it doesn't fade over time like the others.

Today was really great. And the greatness took my mind off of the little time remaining of high school, until just now. But I'm glad it did because it was just so relaxing to not worry for a change.

Missing Out

2011-09-14T17:35:00.000+10:00

Tuesday
The prefects were invited to a lovely buffet lunch on a cruise as a thanks for our dedication to the school. After walking a substantial distance from the station to the actual wharf, we boarded with a bunch of tourists who were rather prepared for their day out in terms of photography.

The day was absolutely splendid as we soaked up the sun, took in the sights of the harbour, failed to listen to the historical significance of the sites, planned new places to visit after the HSC, ensured that the captains were doing their job properly, found our hotel for the formal, explored the whole boat and laughed way too much. I'm pretty sure that we were on there for about 4 hours, which may have contributed to the strange train ride home. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful day to have been spent with some fantastic people.

Wednesday
The weather proved to be wonderful again as another school day approached.

Economics turned out to be a good start to the day as the class seemed focused and were actually interested in the revision that was occurring. Mr N even complimented us on our attentiveness so that only added to the positive tone. Not much else happened besides the fact that I added a boat to my drawing collection, managed to sneeze a lot and Robert tested the extent of his stubbornness, which was no match to mine.

Chemistry was about the same. There were less people in the class so, for once, we were all quiet and paid attention to Mr B. He started the lesson off by referring to a television show he had watched which was not related to our topic but which he thought was interesting. The rest of the lesson was pretty easy as we learnt about the Solvay process and I pointed out a mistake made by Mr B. It's not as easy as it sounds.

Ancient was a little ridiculous as Mr Lev didn't seem to be all there. It didn't help that Mathew and I didn't bring the required booklets as we were supposed to be figuring out focus points for our revision day. Or the fact that I stated that my Math teacher ranked higher on the 'awesome' scale, making the past three years a 'waste'. In the end Mathew and I did a pretty good job, especially with finding appropriate sources to use.

Then a short year meeting was called where the principal decided to cancel and downsize the fun activities we had planned for Friday, despite being given the green light to do so by a deputy and other head teachers. So I left for Math in a very confused state, which didn't help because Mrs S decided to challenge us with trigonometric identities we didn't know about. It was definitely time for the day to end.

However, a Wednesday afternoon wouldn't be complete without having Extension English. This lesson wasn't strenuous as we decided to watch a film about nuclear explosions in Britain. It started off being quite irrelevant to anything but eventually got to the scenes which only added to the already experienced horrors faced by Sean and I. Robert also joined us in watching it and I am sure that he's glad that he decided to.

Also, it is completely freaking me out that there are only about 5 days left of school!

Dealbreaker

2011-09-12T23:00:00.000+10:00

Alright, time for some late night blogging. It's probably not the best idea but I feel the need to particularly document this last full week of school because I can tell you now that it'll be filled with frustration, annoyance, tempers, excitement, disappointment and just plain nonsense. So here goes.

The morning started with people being rather late but who brought great comedic relief as analogies were being thrown around, death threats were being issued and suspicious compliments being said. I will definitely miss these group discussions in the morning. They are excellent to start the day with!

Revision lessons for Math usually start off well. It's not until Mrs S decides to test our abilities that I begin to lose focus and end up distracting James and Robert. I know I should be using the time wisely but sometimes I just accept that there isn't much hope for me in the Math department. However, making the Extension kids feel bad and attempting to show off some knowledge is always good too.

Then there was Modern. I can say that I didn't do anything in this lesson. The discussion that took place didn't require my input and I was happy to take the back seat. Mr Lev tried to get Divya and I to be productive in pulling part past HSC questions but that didn't turn out too well as neither of us had brought the required material. We ended up talking about eating animals and bark in times of desperation as a newspaper article I found was directly linked to the content we had recently covered. Interesting stuff.

Economics was a terrible attempt by me to revise the first topic. I was highly confused as to where the discussion was going and so sat there drawing scenes that resembled a cottage house. I sometimes wonder about my ability to remember things and the lesson definitely left me concerned.

As for English, not much happened besides Mrs K dictating paragraphs to us with immense difficultly. I guess there was also James' random marking of people, Divya's dramatic laughter and inappropriate comments made by Amie. Anyone observing our class would think we were mental!

Ancient was much like the Modern lesson. The class also seemed to be much more mellow today.

Unsettled would be the word to describe Chemistry. There was a lot of talking down the boys end of the table which meant that, although Mr B had planned for the textbook work to only take half the period, there was only about 5 minutes left to introduce the last part of our syllabus. He didn't seem too pleased but we are never quite sure what goes through his mind besides "why do I bother?"

And then I sat through the afternoon session filled with interesting conversations which I must not speak of before going home and deciding to sort things out once and for all. Let me just say that I needed to scream really loudly at one point during that process. But I didn't and instead annoyed Robert with confusing messages, went to dinner with my grandparents and ate loads of food.

I'll end with welcoming new followers to my blog. Because I know of a few of you out there :)

Stubborn

2011-09-10T19:45:00.000+10:00

Warning: This post contains content that may deter those who are uninterested in reading about my relationship and who also dislikes reading about couple related things. Please excuse me for doing so. I would just like to talk about us for a little. I thank you for your cooperation.

After 2 months of putting up with each other, a multitude of distractions and busy schedules, Robert and I decided to go on our first date today - no longer was it to be labelled as an 'adventure'.

The day began with both of us managing to be on time but being unsure about where the day would take us as neither of us had excellent knowledge of the city. So we got on a train anyway with the hope that it would take us to Town Hall. Let me just say that I was certain it would, Robert just doubted it.

After having a rather creepy old man watch us as we were getting off the train and reminiscing on past outings, we reached our destination without too much difficulty. My brilliant sense of direction would prove to be just that as we made our way to the cinema with time to spare. This allowed us to walk around and successfully find a sushi place to try for lunch. However, our lack of awareness eventually led us to the markets and Robert had counted too many Easyway stores along the way. It was a little ridiculous I think.

We successfully made our way back to the cinema where we were bombarded with tokens to receive a free coffee or tea and made it in time for the 12pm session of "The Rise of the Planets of the Apes". I found the movie very interesting in regards to seeing the way the brain works and how our actions are often motivated by how we are treated. James Franco definitely did a wonderful job.

We then headed to sushi despite Robert highly disliking seafood. This restaurant was very different from the ones we had previously been to as we were greeted by all staff members as we entered. This left us to look out for anyone else who would come in just so that they could do it again. As for lunch, it was quite enjoyable as Robert ate an incredible amount of seafood, I tried putting whole pieces of sushi in my mouth, we tried new things and ordered Green Tea and Black Sesame flavoured ice-cream for dessert.

With Robert failing to buy any formal related items and instead looking at various technologies, we made our way back to the train station to head home. Much needed conversations made me realise that I really wasn't so worried about us after all and that I didn't reply with a "no" for many reasons.

It's safe to say that today was lovely and I smile like a stupid teenage girl when I recount and think about it.

You may now throw up at how lame that sounded.

Atrocious

2011-09-09T17:12:00.001+10:00

Here are some emotions, feelings, thoughts, ramblings and whatever comes to mind about today.

For a moment, I knew that I had the respect of the people in that overcrowded office. That every single person who was in there actually cared about what I wanted from them. That they saw me as someone they could look up to. That I could connect with them simply because I didn't shout.

For a moment, I honestly felt like the worst person on the planet, the worst girlfriend in the universe and the laziest student in the history of education. I just wasn't internalising anything at that point.

For a moment, I felt a little important. As if who I was actually meant something.

For a moment, all I could think about was how another week of school has somehow disappeared before I had the chance to do all the things I had planned. I know it's said all the time but lately, time has definitely flown past too quickly. I can't keep up yet I don't want to keep track because it's all too daunting.

For a moment, everything went accordingly to plan. There was glimmer of hope that maybe things would work out once and for all because people were being cooperative and helpful.

For a moment, I realised how difficult people can be.

For a moment, I was content. My mind had stopped spinning in ridiculous circles about things that weren't certain and I was genuinely laughing with my friends and having a good time. Of course there was the constant bickering, inappropriate moments and terrible jokes but we were all there. Together.

For a moment, I believed that I had enough courage to do anything. But the help I was willing to give wasn't needed. Or at least it didn't seem as though it would be appreciated. So I walked away.

For a moment, I wanted to be the one to save the day.

A play on words

2011-09-05T22:01:00.001+10:00

Ahh, the start of another week.

Today was a complete six period day.
There was a school assembly on the asphalt in regards to the strike.
Math consisted of the number plane, past HSC papers, new discoveries and artistic drawings.
James became much stranger during Chemistry, where we had to relocate again because the junior classes like to change things up for us all the time.
Josh and Duncan were having another irrelevant debate and Mathew made me laugh.
Both history classes were good. Except Mr Lev became rather annoyed by the end of the Ancient period due to our noise level and lack of focus on the work.
There were HSC exams for music also happening in B Block.
Mr N was rather entertaining to not pay attention to during Economics.
Robert likes to put my excessive amounts of pens to good use and also seems to have issues with trusting me on things. I can't possibly see why though. Haha.
Getting the camera right to record Sean and I asking questions is a very difficult task. Especially when there are too many artistic and conflicting minds in the same room.
I didn't play as much handball today but I was quite okay with that.
Our workshop during English was a little boring and insightful.
There are still so many uncertain things that need to be organised.
I don't feel as productive for this week. But I'm hoping I'm wrong.
However, I am close to finishing my last ever topic for Modern but am subconsciously avoiding doing so because I don't know what I'd do without it. Yes, I have serious issues.

Mystery

2011-09-04T23:20:00.000+10:00

At times, I wonder about the person that you are.
And that wonder leads to a sense of worry.

I worry about not really knowing enough about you.

I worry about how you really act when I'm not around.

I worry about the fact that you might not be who I think.

I worry about not being able to understand things about you.
I worry about the fact that you are so certain of how this should be.

I worry about the change I see happening within your character.

I worry about the person you are when I am around.
I worry about what how your unspoken thought process works.
I worry about how you don't tell me things I think are important.
I worry about how you are afraid to let me in on your secrets.
I just worry about you a lot.

I know I shouldn't, nor do I really have anything rational to worry about.

It just gets to me a little.

Probing

2011-09-02T18:27:00.000+10:00

Today was a good day. So much so that I'm going to break it down for you. My day that is. Because we all know that I can't dance. Well, you probably don't know but I'm telling you now anyway.

An early Ancient session turned out to be a good start as Natalie, Amie, Melissa, Mathew and I "took apart" a HSC question. It was interesting to find out the things that I wasn't doing properly in my exams.

Double Math was off to a firing start as Mrs S had planned for us to spend the two periods on differentiation. It was a good feeling to actually be able to understand what examples were being used. However, my interest seemed to disappear by the end of the double period as function graphs were required to be drawn and I wasn't keeping up with what was being written on the board. The highlight of the lesson would had to have been the comment that Mrs S made about males being unable to focus on doing two things at once. It was so accurate. I don't think the boys in the class appreciated it though.

Double English was a little entertaining despite the seriousness of the task set for us. Mrs K made us sit a past HSC Modules paper but my inability to formulate an argument or to breathe only allowed for me to write two pages for each essay. Our lesson towards the end was interrupted with a year meeting which hopefully made things a little clearer for the grade. It's safe to say that I'm a terrible leader though.

Chemistry was rather eventful as we got to test out our soap product from the previous day. Although the substance did not look appealing, all went to plan as we followed the instructions with the water mixture turning into foam and the immiscible liquids combining when the soap was added. We also reached success in testing the properties of detergent. James and I did a pretty solid job with the weekly quiz, the natural order was disturbed for a little while and teacher evaluations are rather interesting. All was good.

Modern on a Friday afternoon presented itself with the same situation as it does every week. This meant that there was an attempt at a class discussion about the North African campaign which was often interrupted with random information being yelled out and joined by blank stares as Mr Lev attempted to get us to answer his questions. Talking about Nazi racial policies seemed to gain more interest from the class as the lesson ended with determining the difference between concentration and extermination camps.

So that's that. Another school week down.

Excused

2011-09-01T22:27:00.000+10:00

Despite being irritably sick, the first day of Spring wasn't all that bad.

The morning started with some fine physical activity between Robert, Natalie, Duncan and I as a mini football was found on the roof of the senior area. I have come to the conclusion that I am pretty brilliant at kicking a football. Don't be so surprised! Our game had to come to a sad conclusion when the stupid year 11 boys decided to not let us play with it anymore as they claimed it was theirs.

Double Chemistry involved starting the process of making soap. It was a pretty straight forward experiment but it just took quite a lot of time for the water bath to boil and for the filtrate to come through. This time, we actually listened to instructions properly and did textbook work in between the waiting periods. We are most definitely learning. Today's lesson would also be our last practical.

Recess and third period were spent in Koosache's office sorting things out in regards to the graduation and formal. Which, by the way, is in 21 days! It is rather frustrating not being able to get things set in stone at this current point in time but I am certain that it will all work out in the end. At least I hope so, because I would rather leave on a positive rather than be tangled in disorganisation.

English was a little unproductive as Mrs K set us up with work that was not to our liking. James felt a little more powerful because he was addressing me via my full name, Mathew became the door person and I learnt how to flick my pen lid without chipping my nail polish. It wasn't a terrible lesson.

After being relatively loud during lunch due to the intense confusion about what rules to play handball with, Ancient proved to be an unsettled lesson. Instead, Mr Lev finally agreed to do his interview for our graduation video, which had little sentimental messages hidden within it. There was also a whole different conversation which I'm not even going to get into..

Last period was non-existent as Mr N and our Economics class did not show up. This left Robert and I with very little ideas of what to do until we found Sean, Jess and Lauren to follow as they were interviewing reluctant teachers. The biology class also seemed to be extremely engaged in their lesson on nerve impulses, or something along those lines. It made for interesting times.

So that was pretty much all the mischief that happened today. I also got to go home earlier today than usual because Natalie, Melissa and I compromised for sessions to start next week.

Oh! And I'm totally using the new blogger interface. Not that it's really that big a deal. However, the fact that this is my 400th post is kinda significant. Kinda. So to commemorate, I'll give a shout out to my Ancient class because the majority of them made references to my blog today :)

Dishonesty

2011-08-31T18:00:00.000+10:00

It's already Wednesday! I don't usually like Wednesday's because they're extremely long days for me at school. But today was the complete opposite with no morning or afternoon session.

Economics was the first lesson of the day but there was minimal learning as Mr N was away and we were left with a casual teacher who didn't have all that much control. Instead, Robert and I discussed plans for next weekend and briefly brainstormed labour market related stuff. In the end, I left the lesson with smiley faces on my arm which almost resemble bruises..

Chemistry felt like a very short lesson. Mr B was teaching us about saponification (which isn't a term according to blogger's dictionary) and he just made us construct ball and stick models of the chemical reaction that takes place. The lesson concluded with James and Josh battling it out in a very, very pointless competition of event naming. I don't think Josh was too happy with the outcome.

Ancient was a non-existent period as Mr Lev was absent and my contract work was completed. This only meant for a game of handball after almost running into Noakes. Our game was joined by the heat of the sun as well as the boys in our grade who often hang out at the back of the school. It was hilarious to watch them adapt to our rules and attempt to form alliances.

Math was impossible, well for me anyway. I found it difficult to focus on probability and so spent the lesson cheating on the crossword, trying to get my hair elastic back and being clever with the green highlighter. The lesson was amusing but a lack of revision work was also quite evident.

Then there was Extension English to end the day with. Sean and I marked each other's creative writing stories and were then thrown with the difficult task of creating it into a speech. The rest of the hour was spent reading through summaries of our core texts and answering the focus questions with frequent interjections about the most random things. As is with most lessons.

I'll finish with a reminder to James to make sure that he finishes his Ancient work for tomorrow!

Tough

2011-08-30T16:54:00.001+10:00

I'm pretty sure that I've forgotten how to recount my school days for you all but I'm going to give it a go today because it's good to be able to write things down. Apparently.

The morning started with a neatly assorted handful of flowers and a whole school assembly where the teachers thought they were being all clever and logical with their new organisation idea. Let me tell you, it was not any one of those things listed. Not even close to it. The assembly wasn't incredibly difficult to sit through but there was certainly a lot of applauding going on. I even found entertainment in the strange and annoying girls who were in sitting in front of me.

Double Modern wasn't strenuous either. We started on new content which meant that we were required to read worksheets before making our own summary of the campaign in North Africa. Of course the class would do so with much chattering, uncertainty and disagreements in between. There was also the situation where we were incredibly keen to receive our assignments back.

Then there was English. This lesson consisted of marking each other's short answer responses, from the previous lesson, accordingly to the marking criteria. It's not as much fun as it sounds. We didn't do much else besides reading sample essays for the different modules and learning new words.

Economics was much more interesting. I say that with sincerity and no sarcasm intended. Mr N has picked up his game lately and has actually been going through essay plans and content with us so that we might actually be prepared for the HSC. Let's hope that I haven't jinxed it or anything now.

The day ended with a lesson of Ancient and because Mrs E believes that she has the power to control us, we had to change rooms with her class. This meant not only moving our own stuff but also the "crap" that was left on Mr Lev's table. The lesson was quite relaxed and I managed to reach the last sub dot point of the syllabus. My "condescending" attitude was apparently also present.

I'll leave you with a reminder that there are only 16 school days of high school left!

Abstract

2011-08-28T15:50:00.004+10:00

Because my weekend was quite eventful, I'm going to relive it by writing about it.

Friday night.
After many weeks of planning, exam disruptions and life interruptions, James, Val and I finally kicked off our 40-hour famine idea with our campsite residing in the wilderness that is James' backyard. Setting up the tent was an interesting mission for everyone involved, even for "Lady Valerie" - as she had been dubbed by James. However, our home for the next 40 hours would take its form after much discussion. We welcomed the night by having a fast-food dinner, blowing up air mattresses, playing a close game of scrabble and seeking revenge in the form of UNO. I should also mention that we received a visit from some mischievous trespassers who had us in a state of confusion.

Saturday.

After a lack of sleep, 'The Happy Campers' woke up to pillows being thrown at them as the next plan of attack was to visit the University of Sydney at their open day. With no sense of awareness or any idea of how to get there, we moderately walked down to the train station where we would meet up with Robert - who almost fell for our evil lie. Andrew would also make a surprise appearance. Once breakfast was sorted, we found assistance in the form of Cindy - who was also going to USyd.

A long train ride later, we had made it to Redfern and walked our way to the university by following the crowd and the instructions spray-painted on the streets. James was immediately attracted to the architecture and resembled a tourist. After receiving a Bag of Thoughts, we did a little exploring, map reading and stalking before attending some mini-lectures. The graffiti in the Dentistry lecture gave us an idea of how intense it could get, Dr Karl made me fall asleep for about 10 minutes and Medical Science was short and sweet. Overall, an interesting day with many, many stairs.

Saturday night.
Showing our support, The Happy Campers joined Sean and Natalie for a night of singing, dancing and good old Australian rock. The first school musical in 32 years turned out to be a lot funnier, entertaining and enjoyable than what I initially expected. And despite some technical difficulties, it was really nice to see the kids actually having fun and willing to be a part of something that would take a lot of effort. After waiting very long in the McDonald's line, we didn't stay up too late this time and ended up going to bed without much hesitation. Our last night out proved to be a peaceful one.

Sunday morning.
With our famine officially ending, it was time to put down the tent and return to civilisation and the comfort of our own beds. I'll the the pictures do the talking with this one, courtesy of James' mum.

Click photos for larger.

Flatline

2011-08-23T19:08:00.001+10:00

So far this week..

I think I've pretty much let down the entire universe with my Trial exams.
I have been feeling the urge to make the most of this last term.
My handball skills have not improved in the slightest.
There was a year meeting from which I don't remember much about.
I know that I have let my guard down a lot more.
There has been a lack of inspiration in my world.
James, Val and I have started planning for the long awaited camp-out.
The Year 12 square has received an undercoat or something as of today.
I have not sat in my roll call room as of yet.
Modern has became my 'best' subject. Which is pathetic if you look at my mark.
My Belonging essay paper has been misplaced by the faculty.
There were high tensions during that particular English lesson as well.
I have realised that some people are not modest at all.
And intend to use that against you even though you no longer care. Kinda.
Kids at my school are still feeling the need to destroy everything around them.
I have felt distant from a lot of things. But I'm not entirely sure why.
Tickets to the school musical have been bought.
I realised just how animated Mr N can get during lessons.
The countdown to the end of the term just does not seem realistic.
I have been feeling motivated and productive.

Small Talk

2011-08-21T17:44:00.000+10:00

There were so many times during this week when I felt as though nothing was possible. Not my Chemistry exam, not my Economics exam and not even my History assignments. In fact, I still feel the same about the latter because I am lacking in motivation, sleep and care for anything school-related.

So I'm not going to delve into aspects of my education in this post. Instead, I'll fill you in on details of what fun I've also been having these past three days because it has definitely been interesting.

Finishing my Trial exams would normally mean that I wouldn't have to return to school until the following week. However, it never seems to work out like that for me.

Instead, I joined Natalie and two year 11 prefects on Friday to assist with the Kids of Macarthur Women's Luncheon Foundation. We were told very little and vague information about the day and our role in it but Denise cleared things up for us. After informing the ladies of how they could donate to the foundation and introducing new patrons, we were told to leave after lunch because they were unsure and fearful about what the guest speaker might say. We walked in the rain, attempted to call the school office many times and secretly returned a broken umbrella. It was an interesting day!

Saturday afternoon/night was more my kind of thing in which the friends came together for a games night. The competition started with a long game of Taboo which saw the girls winning with their excellent logic. It definitely also made room for Harry Potter and Chemistry references.

After a lovely taco dinner and an intake of lots of sugar, we attempted a singing/guessing game. Sean and Natalie quickly became the nominated singers whilst the rest of us tried to compliment them by actually naming the song correctly. Apparently the boys won that game.

So that meant Pictionary would be our deciding and final game of the night. We went through the game pretty quickly and I managed to draw a few things, even if it did not resemble a koala or a spider web. It was extra challenging because a few of us were subjected to drawing with our eyes closed or by only using one line. In the end, the boys would take the final victory.

Sean and I would then find ourselves standing at the gates of the school wearing bright yellow vests and directing traffic on a Sunday morning. We were being good prefects and agreed to help the P&C with their fundraiser because some sort of dancing concert was happening in the hall. I am certain that I gave terrible directions to people today, so I hope that they found their way eventually.

Natalie would meet up with us a little later and because there was an extreme lack of communication between all parties involved, we met up with Kim and ended up helping her in asking for donations until we were allowed to leave at 3pm. It was an unexpected way to spend my Sunday.

And now I'm back to finishing these last ever high school assignments with the hope that I am in fact doing it right because I have not sought any guidance from anyone. Let's see how I go.

Cation

2011-08-17T23:13:00.000+10:00

Sometimes, I think I just say things because I want to be heard, even if it has no relevance to the conversation that could be happening at the time.

Sometimes, I think that the things I say will make sense to people because they are somehow able to hear the thought process that is happening in my mind.

Sometimes, I think saying things can solve high-tension situations, even if there is minimal response from the other person/people involved.

Sometimes, I think saying my opinion is enough to convince someone else that I actually know what I'm talking about even if I have no idea.

Sometimes, I think I just say things because I have this intolerable need to talk and am intent on challenging the pace at which I can do so.

Omnipotent

2011-08-15T18:23:00.000+10:00

I'm currently feeling a little content. But at the same time, I have about a billion things racing through my mind which are making me feel not so content as well. I guess I'm just very.. uncertain.

I'm content because I have another day off tomorrow to get proper studying done.
I'm content because I can let my thoughts be known on sites like this.
I'm content because John Legend has an amazing voice.
I'm content because I can talk to Mr Weatherstone like a normal person.
I'm content because I am taking most things as they come.
I'm content because I can't say anything bad has happened to me today.
I'm content because I can point out little things that have actually made my day.
I'm content because I only have two more exams to go, despite how difficult they are.

I'm unsettled because I constantly worry about not being good enough. As if there is always going to be a level that I can't reach or that there is always going to be someone else who can be a better daughter, friend, student or girlfriend than I. It scares me because I need to know that I am capable.

I'm unsettled because I can't seem to please anyone lately. I think it has actually gotten worse because I either don't quite understand people's intentions or I immediately assume that everyone is okay with my decisions. It all just feels forced..reluctant..hesitant. I don't know what to do really.

I'm unsettled because I am tired.
I'm unsettled because I choose not to contact people.
I'm unsettled because I can't tell people things.
I'm unsettled because I need to organise a billion things.
I'm unsettled because I want to do so many exciting things.
I'm unsettled because I have no clue what my next step or goal is.
I'm unsettled because I know that I've got it somewhat easier.
I'm unsettled because I remember pointless things that aren't needed.

Hypocaust

2011-08-12T23:30:00.001+10:00

I think you people like to read the things I write, well at least it appears that way. So I thought I would give you another piece of my brain since I don't really use it much anyway.

Firstly, there are rare days like today when things feel right. Not so much perfect but to the extent that you are no longer thinking of bad things. Because even though your school library never knows what silence is or the wind constantly picks up your study notes or you realise you have no credit, you laugh with your friends anyway, you shout out random facts hoping it's the right answer, you receive lovely phone calls wishing you luck and you feel a part of something great. And you know those moments don't last forever so you take a step back and simply smile at how happy you feel.

Secondly, I planned an essay for the first time today during a History exam. I've never run out of time before in an exam and so my goal today was to plan or brainstorm as much as I could. And I did. It kinda helped but I didn't refer back to it a lot as I was writing. It was a proud moment. Yep.

Thirdly, I like exam periods. Despite people hiding away in their study space, there is a sense of unity that always seems to arrive in the morning, the hours and even the minutes before an exam. It's as if we all know we're on the same page and we try our best to help each other answer last minute questions. The same thing occurs after the exam, as though there is an unspoken connection in which we all gather to express our thoughts on the paper before heading our separate ways.

Lastly, I think I'm getting too sentimental or something. There just seems to be too many wonderful things happening for it to feel like the lead up to more scary things. Not that I'm complaining.

Foot in Mouth

2011-08-10T23:09:00.000+10:00

In between studying and procrastinating and being frustrated and laughing a ridiculous amount, I've been thinking about what I should blog about in relation to the events of my week at present. I realised that there really isn't a lot to actually write about unless you witnessed it first hand. So I'm going to list things. And plan things with you as I go along, just so that your curious minds don't wander as much. I should apologise for anything that is unstructured or completely irrelevant.

We'll start with the arrival of my UAC PIN. I was excited to receive mail which was related to university stuff but at the same time, my mind was freaking out about the need to choose nine courses! nine! I don't even have one! But then, because I couldn't let go of the fact that I had to register before September 30, I actually picked up the UAC Guide and searched for courses that I might like at universities I wouldn't mind attending. A genius idea, right? I know.

In the end, most of my courses revolved around primary school teaching because I think that I'd be somewhat capable of teaching children the basics to life. I have mixed feelings about this path because I don't think it's something that I want to do for my entire life but it's also something I think would be interesting. It's definitely confusing me. However, I might just stick with the idea for now.

Next on the agenda would be.. English exams. It's not too bad of an idea to create two papers for the subject since there is plenty that is required to be remembered. It's just that it takes a lot out of you. I felt better about my belonging one than my essays, even though the questions weren't entirely incomprehensible. There isn't enough time and my brain freaks out no matter what's on the paper.

Let me tell you about my 'local' library purely for the fact that I always find myself in that vicinity and even more so during exam periods. My first visit there since a very long time was welcomed by a lady who wished to survey me on my thoughts of the library. It was strange. My next two successive trips were accompanied by the rather entertaining friends as we thought it would be helpful to study together. I'm pretty sure that more jokes ensued than actual productivity. It was good fun though.

And to end on a positive note, I have a day off from exams tomorrow. So that means that I might just be able to organise the rest of my school work that needs to be organised and possibly catch up on some much needed sleep. I should also note for future reference that my Math exam today was horrible and that if I don't ever mention Math again on my blog, that is the reason why.

Wait, that wasn't a nice comment to leave on..

Priorities

2011-08-07T23:34:00.003+10:00

Things I need to stop doing:

Letting my phone die completely before deciding to charge it.
Blogging because I simply want to talk/write to anyone.
Going to bed late on a daily basis. It can't be good for me.
Eating so much.
Confusing myself with Math work I know how to do.
Walking around my house aimlessly.
Singing out loud. I don't think my family appreciate it as much as I think.
Cutting my own fringe, especially since I am not a hairdresser of any sort.
Sending the boyfriend sarcastic and mean text messages. I don't think he likes it.
Thinking I'll get by with what I have.
Playing solitaire, both on my phone and laptop.
Thinking of people to add to that list created by Natalie, Val and I.
Watching pointless youtube videos of the same song covers.
Being indecisive about university related stuff. Ahh.
Thinking the words but never saying them.
Giving vague and indirect answers to people about organisational stuff.
Adding books, tv shows and movies to my end-of-HSC to-do list.
Play fighting with my littlest brother. He has gotten quite strong.

Things I need to be doing:

Studying.

Liabilities

2011-08-02T17:26:00.000+10:00

I'm trying so hard to focus on the positives of every day. It's difficult when nothing seems to be going right, or anywhere in fact, but when I pinpoint certain aspects, here is what I have come up with:

Having a different kind of conversation during roll call each morning.
Visiting other roll calls because the casual teacher likes you.
Seeing talent from students being showcased. (With a hint of jealousy)
Finding out someone defended you without your knowledge.
Negotiating and compromising work that needs to be done during class.
Receiving rather detailed hints for the Trial exams.
Watching Mr Lev demand a coffee after seeing Sarah receive a hot chocolate.
Witnessing a hilarious interrogation that occurred due to subject selections.
Signing legal documents incorrectly.
Seeing a close friend receive much deserved applause.
Knowing that your teacher cares even though it's getting harder to.
Not having to be seen as arrogant because the teacher was absent.
The publication of this blog post even though my internet is severely capped.
Taking a bit of courage to make a suggestion despite the fear.
Teachers finding excitement and intrigue from realising 'new' relationships.
Watching your friends take multi-handball very seriously. It's not just a game.
Learning that Naruto is actually a ninja and not some strange boy who wears orange.

Conservative

2011-07-30T23:54:00.000+10:00

I hope you always read this and that it reminds you of how much you meant to me.

I hope you always read this and that you do simply because you remember me.

I hope you always read this and that the insight you gain into my mind is well, insightful.

I hope you always read this and that you can pinpoint my sarcasm and sense of humour.

I hope you always read this and that you know you shouldn't be afraid to ask.

I hope you always read this and that you're not afraid to leave your thoughts.

I hope you always read this and that it motivates you in the slightest way possible.

I hope you always read this and that you remember what you had done.

I hope you always read this and that, at one stage, it brings a smile to your face.

I hope you always read this and that you can trace it back to one of our conversations.

I hope you always read this and that you remember what the title was referring to.

I hope you always read this and that you always hold onto the memories you read about.

I hope you always read this and that you eventually realise what it all means.

I hope you always read this and that you never forget the many wonderful things in life.

I hope you always read this and that it takes back to a certain moment, person and place in time.

Attached

2011-07-29T23:36:00.000+10:00

Another week down. I have realised that I haven't been setting any goals on here lately. So I must get back to doing that once the trials are over. Until then, here is a summary of my Friday.

The morning began with a Chemistry lesson with a particularly empty classroom. I'm not sure where everyone has been disappearing off to lately. Anyway, we weren't required to do much besides to summarise about "superheated water". It's a pretty unusual concept as the water reaches 160 degrees Celsius. Val's inconvenience would also show up a little later during the lesson.

An attempt at a discussion during Ancient led me to believe this topic was going to be frustrating to get through. Not so much because of the difficulty required to understand the content but because there isn't a lot of it, meaning less background information. Either way, I'm behind in the work. However, Mr Lev ended the lesson with a comedy skit depicting classroom behaviour due to the extent of our uncertainty in our own knowledge. It was quite humorous if not rather accurate.

Math still involved work on loan repayments which has this amazing ability to make you feel unproductive because of the amount of time it takes just to answer one question. I did have a good lesson though - despite being attacked by liquid paper and being no help to anyone else - as Mathew and I figured out answers on our own. It was a proud moment for me.

My Economics lesson was not covered by a casual and so our class relaxed for a little bit. Kartik managed to find entertainment in creating a guessing game using identical phones, attempting to throw a pen in the bin and mocking other people. It was odd. Not much else happened as I unsuccessfully tried to complete some Ancient work and Robert and Val were bickering once again.

English was.. English. All I know is that there are a billion things that I need to do in order to feel ready for the trial exam yet I don't think it's even possible. It definitely wasn't something I wanted to be reminded of. But Mrs K did clear up the structure of the exam for us, so that was nice.

Having Modern on a Friday afternoon is always interesting. There was not a lot of written work being done but certainly more content sheets being handed out and awkward conversations initiated by Mr Lev. We had also come to the realisation that the Ancient class now has an in-joke as the video from the lesson in the morning was referred to way too many times. It was confusing to everyone else.

So there you go.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

Bad Fish

2011-07-28T22:58:00.002+10:00

I will never forget how secretly kind you are to me.

I will never forget how wonderfully protective you are of me.

I will never forget how uncertain Ancient History makes us all.

I will never forget how silly and cruel scripture can be.

I will never forget how much power Mr N has over loud junior students.

I will never forget how ridiculous calculating loan repayments is.

I will never forget how much I enjoy reading the 50th Gate on my own.

I will never forget how many Harry Potter spells were used during Chemistry.

I will never forget how crazy James and Val can get towards the end of the day.

I will never forget how Noakes gave Robert a mini father-like lecture today.

I will never forget how you remembered such a lovely detail.

Grumpy

2011-07-27T22:53:00.001+10:00

Here's a list. Do as you wish with it.

Natalie and I started this morning off by answering HSC questions on Pompeii and Herculaneum whilst being insulted by Mr Lev and overhearing interesting conversations.
Amie created a new name for me. I don't understand it. I was also told that I would be missed but am uncertain as to whether it was genuine or said just to spite other people.
A whole math lesson was needed just to get through one question on loan repayments. I realised that I didn't even copy it out and that I don't want to buy a house.
I learnt about the Ephorate during Ancient.
I didn't get to play handball today. I'm not too saddened. Really.
There was a year meeting where we received the trial exam timetable and were told to pay our formal money very, very soon. Not a lot of positive words. But that's not new.
Neelam and I told Mr Lev what we thought of his attitude lately. He responded by getting rather defensive. At the end of the day, our statement still stood.
I visited Mrs D after not chatting with her for a while now. Career stuff is annoying.
Sean showed up for Extension English and we managed to do some work whilst there was a crazy amount of noise happening in the other room. We even worked overtime!
The Modern session was alright. I thought I knew enough content but it turns out that we couldn't even figure out that the dates were wrong. Definitely a confident boost.
I finished my microeconomic policy essay. Kinda. It will do for now.
I learnt about methodologies associated with the removal of eye cataracts.
I've realised that I like being called upon to help people.
You people who read my blog are lovely. And also very speedy.

No Love

2011-07-26T21:43:00.003+10:00

I'm just going to take a few minutes to try and clear my mind by blogging about a few things.

It has occurred to me recently that all it takes is for one person to walk away. The simple act of not making eye contact or smiling can change what was once perfect. The other person can try with all their might to fight back and to try to understand what has just happened but it doesn't quite work that easily. So, you try to ignore it and pretend it's not happening otherwise it'll eat you up inside.

But that doesn't work either. No matter how hard you can try to smile and laugh with the people around you, there is always this lingering thought that you were never good enough. Or that you could have done something in that moment to save the day. A simple chat may have done the trick.

It has occurred to me recently that, sometimes, you can't help but feel happy around certain people. As much as you feel like a burden because you're always depending on them to make your day, it's just what you need once in a while. And you can't help but think how strange the world works in the sense that, if it weren't for the former realisation, the latter would be essentially non-existent.

But.. there's always an exception. Because it's not easy to forget about something that was once everything you needed and having it just disappear. It makes you think about your trivial mistakes. It makes you question your worth as being someone's friend. It's difficult. Life is more evidently difficult.

Inconvenient

2011-07-25T21:57:00.000+10:00

If I choose to ignore a few certain things, today wasn't too terrible of a day.

The six period day started with a lesson of Math. I think I will always love this class no matter what because we all have this ability to make fun of each other just by reflecting each others reactions. It's quite wonderful really. Mrs S even let us have a few minutes to talk about paintball before getting started. James and I managed to complete more than one question in 10 minutes, Robert is still not accepted on the "Asian table" and I realised that my Math assignment needs to be redone.

Then there was Chemistry. Due to room confusion and silly junior students, Mr B sent us on a walk all the way to D block before eventually going back to the classroom we were originally specified in. I have named this room "Antarctica" solely for the fact that it's always freezing in there. We did work on equilibrium calculations and the lesson was pretty good. Some people reverted back to the roles James, Val and I had given them so it definitely brought a feeling of nostalgia.

I'm going to combine my Modern and Ancient classes together because the enthusiasm that I managed to show was unexpected and definitely new. Mr Lev and I have also planned to leave all our friends behind and create a website where we talk to each other about History. It's kinda strange and came from my excitement of finding connections between Modern and the English novel.

I honestly didn't pay enough attention during Economics to tell you what content was being covered. All I can remember is being too quick to reject the notion of being a couple, talking about the end of year party and being told by Mr N that I have a good memory. I was rather chuffed, to say the least.

English put a damper on most people's day I think. Mrs K reached a whole new level of hostility, to which I thought was already achieved last lesson after hearing how she described certain people. Oh how she proved us wrong today. I give credit to anyone in my class who has stood up for themselves because I know that I wouldn't be able to. I'm thankful that I absolutely love this module.

The day ended with a Chemistry session. It was obvious that Val had a pretty long day as she was acting a little stranger than usual. Definitely more laughter for James and I. Mathew also needed to express his frustrations about the happenings of the previous period. It was a good session overall.

I should also note that I played handball today.

A solid start to week two.

Interruptions

2011-07-23T17:44:00.001+10:00

What if this was all there was and you blew it all away because you were defiant of anything or anyone that came your way, because chasing a dream wasn't something you saw plausible, because you didn't try hard enough, because you gave up too soon, because you were constantly looking for the easy option, because you were looking too far ahead, because you fell in love with some girl/boy, because it overwhelmed you at the wrong time, because you were more determined to bring other people down, because you couldn't find your way back, because you thought too much about the situation, because you didn't fight for what you wanted, because you didn't ever get the chance to hear the right words or because you no longer believed that any of this was worth it anymore?

Peculiar

2011-07-21T22:24:00.000+10:00

I would like to apologise for my irregular posting.

This is due to various reasons such as being overtired most nights and trying to get as much work done as I can before week 4 hits. I can't promise that my daily posts will be reappearing regularly but believe me, I am usually dying to tell anyone about what experiences this last term is bringing me.

Right now, it's not so fun.

Everything seems to be moving at a fast pace. Everything seems as though it's a struggle to get through. Everything is overwhelming me. Everyone seems fed up with school and this learning business. Everyone seems less excited and more tired. Everyone seems more hostile and defensive.

It wasn't what I was expecting.

Sure, we should be more focused. But I think we're more restless than anything. Maybe it's the downpour of rain that has gotten us all acting strange. Maybe I was just expecting that things wouldn't change. Maybe I need to learn that people need space. Maybe I am at fault afterall.

The rest of this term will be interesting. That's for certain.

Instant

2011-07-19T17:09:00.001+10:00

Sometimes, you just know that the world around you is falling apart, as if everything had changed overnight and you weren't given any warning it was coming. Yet despite seeing it happen first hand and being consumed in the worry and the sadness that simply overwhelms you because of it, you don't do anything about it. Instead, you laugh it off, smile a lot more than usual and keep your voice low and your head down. And you know that's the worst way to react but there's nothing you can possibly do when people won't let you in. There's no effort. There's just the usual exclusion and isolation. It even makes you want to cry, even though you're someone who rarely does.

Sigh.

I promise my little rambling was not how all of today panned out. The first day of the last term of high school finally arrived and was accompanied with a very cold front - for those who know their weather terms. We had the usual 'welcome back' assembly but it didn't feel as heartfelt as I expected it to be. Don't ask. Our school also welcomed a Canadian teacher who plans to get to know how our school functions in comparison to his. Might I add that his apology for the accent was not needed.

The first period of double Modern had Mr Lev going over the syllabus with us in good detail. It got me rather engaged and I think I might enjoy this topic more so than the last, just not for the reasons Sarah likes to believe. Sean and I got off to a brilliant start to the work by not actually doing it ourselves. We figured we'd find the answers before reading the booklet. Logic at its best. But we got there eventually and answered the questions on our own, though they weren't that difficult.

After waving awkwardly to the Canadian teacher, being hit by the handball, eating an apple and seeing friends congregate to the senior area, English would be the next lesson to face. There wasn't as much lecturing as most of us had expected but Mrs K definitely didn't disappoint. All we did was read the novel and annotate as we were told. I don't even know how to evaluate the lesson.

My Economics class was combined with the Geography class as both teachers were away. Obviously. Not much work was completed but Robert and I did answer two of the questions, so that was definitely a start and probably more than anyone else. We did also receive bronze awards.

Then with the rain deciding to make an appearance, I ended the day with a lesson of Ancient History. Mr Lev introduced our new topic on Sparta with a lengthy syllabus, a powerpoint conversation and references to the movie that I haven't yet seen. Little written work was done but I think that a good summary was obtained about the city and its geographical setting. Or whatever that dot point is.

Today lacked a sense of genuine happiness on my part and also a lack of 'last term' lectures from my teachers. Maybe they've given up. Or maybe they're saving it for a much more scary time..

Unmistakable

2011-07-17T10:09:00.002+10:00

Of course I wake up with a pounding headache.

Of course I manage to develop a pain in my shoulder.

Of course I still have this irritating cough.

Of course I have a tonne of school work to get through.

Of course I feel absolutely terrible and tired.

Of course I don't want to get out of bed.

Of course I am going to be grumpy for most of today.

Of course I haven't had a proper conversation with the best friends.

Of course I am not ready to go back to school on Tuesday.

Of course I should just power through and get on with it all.

Of course I don't really know what I want. Still.

Of course I just really wanted to complain about all this to anybody.

Take Cover

2011-07-12T21:46:00.000+10:00

After hanging out with Robert, James, Kevin, Frankie, Kiara, Duncan and Cameron for most of today, I managed to learn and accumulate some very interesting yet strange lessons. They are as follows:

Robert always manages to say something to deflate his girlfriend's honour.

It's too easy to bring up my sporting inabilities during a conversation.

I'm tough enough to take the insults thrown at me. Yeah, that's right.

Cameron felt so awkward that he needed to ask for permission first.

My brother likes to betray people on his team. Especially James.

Listening to your mother is something everyone should do.

Robert and I rarely agree on the same things.

James can skate!

My brother might just become a surfer one day.

There are some people who like to own poles. Don't ask.

Kevin isn't afraid to tell you when your insult has gone too far.

It's apparently fun to try and figure out Robert's iPhone password.

James has the 'power' to stop the annoying dogs from barking.

Kiara has the most motivating skating gloves. Or whatever they're called.

She also appeared to have the most war wounds, haha.

The weather can be so right sometimes.

Ordinary

2011-07-11T21:35:00.001+10:00

My life as of the last time I updated this blog:

I went and saw Cars 2 with the siblings. It was quite a clever movie and I felt like a secret spy after it. Almost. I must also say that Michael Caine has the loveliest British accent. Ever.

I have not bought credit. So I still can't reply to anyone.

I worked a Sunday shift. Something I hadn't done in while but which was fun nonetheless.

My Math holiday work has shrunk quite dramatically. I'm quite proud of my effort really.

I got my Year 10 History brain on in order to help my sister with her work.

I received a rather complimentary comment on my last blog post. Thank you.

My grandparents are over and plan to stay the whole week. Fun.

I found out that one of the characters from Harry Potter is now not too bad looking.

I have been reading a textbook off a computer screen for far too long.

I like Economics work when it's about fiscal policy and current content I know about.

I've managed to watch Gran Torino, Easy A, The Karate Kid and Grown Ups in one day.

I'm pretty sure I just agreed to go watch the last Harry Potter movie with my sister. Sigh.

Timing

2011-07-09T23:25:00.000+10:00

You never really know how torn up you can be until someone rips you to shreds.

You never really know what words hit close to home until you hear or read them.

You never really know how much people care for you until you need them.

You never really know how resilient you need to be until you meet certain people.

You never really know what goes through people's minds until you talk to them.

You never really know how difficult everything seems to be until you're behind.

You never really know how tired you can be until you decide to call it a night.

You never really know how lame you sound until you replay the conversation back.

You never really know how mean you can be until someone pushes you to the edge.
You never really know how unprepared you are until your knowledge is tested on the spot.

You never really know how independent you want to be until you no longer have to be.

You never really know how unintelligent you can be until you're made to sit an exam.

You never really know what to say to those who matter until it's a little too late.

Sycophant

2011-07-08T23:45:00.000+10:00

I apologise for my absence these last couple of days, I just haven't felt like blogging lately. But I am back now and feeling the need to recount my recent activities to the cyber world yet again.

Wednesday
With reluctance, I decided to see how well the English session that Mrs K had planned was. It was nice to see that my friends, at least, had shown up so the day was already off to a great start. We focused on our module B stuff - which of course had to be Shakespeare. It wasn't particularly strenuous but I still didn't find a sense of motivation to write the essay. Mrs K also managed to catch up on the drama that had been happening for quite a while now during a conversation that lasted for far too long. With Amie's persistent need to have lunch, James and I decided to join her for a walk down the road where we ended up purchasing unnecessary snacks. Towards the last half an hour of the session, a few had left already and the rest of us weren't focused as much and wanted to get out of there. Mathew was sure intent on getting home in time for the day's episode of Judge Judy.

Thursday
This was the day of the Modern session. I was at first excited to be going but the thought of answering past HSC questions within a time frame killed the excitement for a while. After adjusting to the gate change and having an awkward conversation to start the morning, we were well on our way to content revision. I wasn't very good at the "being silent" part of the exam practice and continually felt the need to tell everyone that I had written the wrong things. If that were a real exam room, none of us would still be in there completing it. After Sarah took us down the road to get lunch, we had stopped trying to answer the national study question of the paper. It was like all our energy had suddenly disappeared and we left the session with hearing concerning words from Mr Lev.

Friday
Today was the Ancient session. Miss P's class did a relatively good job of showing up since apparently most of them don't turn up to class anyway. The first content we went through raised a lot of worry as we weren't too sure about Pompeii and Herculaneum. It had to be the most painful hour or so of the day - even answering the questions seemed less troublesome. The happiest moment would had to have been when Melissa couldn't get over the fact that she had just answered a HSC question. It was definitely a proud victory. We then decided to join Mathew when it was time to pick up pizza for lunch. This turned out to be rather interesting as Melissa and I tried to figure out the mechanisms and functioning of his car. It's definitely old school but I can say that I can trust him as a driver. The same issue of fatigue - I guess - occurred after lunch as most of us didn't answer the Agrippina question. Despite the heightened need for mischief, we did leave on a positive note.

Then for some crazy reason, I agreed to take on board Robert's idea of walking home. For those that don't know, it takes more than half an hour to get from school back to my place. However, even though Robert was unsure of where we were at some stages and relied on the hope that there was an alley way somewhere, we found ourselves on the right path home. It was a long walk, and probably the most physical activity I've done all holiday, but it was also one of the most enjoyable :)

Reassurance

2011-07-04T17:00:00.000+10:00

She's kinda terrible at this whole thing.

There's this nervousness and fear that her uncertainty and unfamiliarity will force you to rethink.

It's different when she's in those moments with you. She's different. You're different. The world stops.

She needs things to happen one step at a time before she gets too ahead and afraid of herself.

She'll think that she's too independent and grounded at times, just to deflect any vulnerability.

It's not constant communication she likes but those important conversations about little things.

It helps that you're truly wonderful, really.

She never knew you were so sure of yourself. You say the words that many refrain from doing so.

Although she can't repeat them back to you right now, she hopes that you'll be around when she is able to say them someday because you so deserve them and because she no longer has any doubts.

A Fraction More

2011-07-01T23:20:00.001+10:00

Today's story doesn't work without the happenings of last night. So what happened you ask with curiosity and slight intrigue? Well, let's just say that the friends are extremely happy, Robert is relatively happy, I'm still happy and most people in my grade have responded with "finally".

This last day of term was quite different from any other that I can remember. In fact, it felt like a different kind of day altogether. As if we weren't at school and were just hanging out. Everyone seemed to be a lot closer, friendly, excited, crazy and pleasant to be around and it was just nice.

James deserves his own little shout-out because he managed to reach a whole new level of weird today. Although, it was for good reason and he did a pretty good job of it - so I guess I have to give him that much credit at least. I am also certain that I physically hit him way too many times.

As for the best friend, Melissa's hyperactive nature during lunch not only scared me a little but she ended up making herself very confused during the conversation we were having with Sean and Amie. We never should have let her open that bag of mixed lollies..

There was also a lot of handball happening in the senior area, which meant that I actually played at one stage.. after much convincing of course. It was so intense that I even ended up in the garden. Well, that was merely because the boys weren't brave enough to face it themselves to get the ball.

I actually don't have a lot to say. Well, I do, but it's really just that I don't know how to say all the good things that I'm currently feeling without sounding a little pathetic and lame. It doesn't help that everything hasn't even sunk in properly yet. Give it a few more hours I say :)

Glowing

2011-06-30T23:30:00.001+10:00

I kept thinking today was the last day of term and freaked out. But it's not, so it's okay for now.

The day started off with a double period of Ancient that I found joyful at first but which soon became challenging. It was so because the activity on the spectacular Ken Webb sheet wasn't that straight-forward. I managed to 'guess' my way through it in the end because that's what I do. Then there was the ancient and modern sources that we needed to collate - it's not as fun as it sounds - and the frustration felt by Mr Lev due to our constant chatter. I admit to contributing to this a whole lot.

Double Economics seemed less stressful although we were given our in-class essay questions. Mr N kindly went through the whole process with us and, before he had to deal with some sort of unpleasant situation, he told us that he has really enjoyed teaching us and that just us showing up to class makes him want to teach us. It was quite genuine, nice and surprising for him to say so.

This spirit was dampened when, for some reason, I decided it would be a good idea to show up to the Ancient session at lunch. Mr Lev was definitely frustrated, and bitter almost, because of the lack of content we had written during the space of time. It wasn't a nice feeling to be walking out with.

The mood shifted once again when I went into Math. My class can be rather amazing sometimes and today was definitely one of those days. Our revision for the exam tomorrow didn’t appear to be intensely strenuous, even though Mrs S went through it pretty quickly. If you disregard the slight racism that was detected and a heated argument over Math, there was a lot of positivity.

This definitely carried through into Chemistry as there was non-stop talking, though not on Mr B’s behalf. He seemed quite reserved. However, Val and I actually answered the answers to the exercise we were told to do. Even though they were wrong, we had justifications as to why our answers could also be correct. It was a job well done. 'The Happy Campers' also received their first sponsorships!

Then there was more Math revision after school. I figured it was a safer decision to go to Math instead of Ancient this afternoon, especially since Miss P told Mrs E about my lack of content from last week’s task. I have come to the conclusion that there is something different about afternoon classes that aren’t the same as normal classes despite having the same teacher and classroom.

I guess it wasn't a bad day. It definitely didn't feel like a consistent day.

Nearing

2011-06-29T19:33:00.000+10:00

Key words: Scared. Terrified. Uncertain. Unprepared. Lost. Confused. Tired.
Key numbers: Seven. Four. Sixteen.
Key verbs: Study. Revise. Practice. Write. Sleep. Eat.
Key people: Parents. Friends. Teachers. Even me.
Key phrases: One term. HSC exam. Be calm. Don't stress.
Key concerns: Forgetting. Disappointing. Mental blanks. Death.
Key events: Trials. Graduation. Formal. HSC Exam.

Just by writing out the above points, the reality of this year and the little amount of time there is left has certainly hit home. Honestly, I would be excited about finishing this year if I knew what I was going to do during the next. I have no plan and with no plan, I don't know how to function. It was easy to set an ATAR goal of 80 and work towards that, but then what? It's all too vague for my liking.

It's a little embarrassing to tell people I don't know what I want to do at this stage of the year. But I really don't know. Someone should just pick for me since I'm good at doing things I'm told to.

Balance

2011-06-28T19:25:00.002+10:00

I was thinking about this list all day and thought that it was relevant to something that I read about time passing us by. So with only one term left, here is a list of things I will miss about high school:

End of term assemblies where we're told to be safe and relax a little.
Beginning of term assemblies where we're welcomed back.
Extended lunch on the last day of each term.
The senior area and the mischief that comes with it.
Conversations in the morning.
The peer pressure to do things I don't want to.
Hearing that irritating bell and the constant announcements.
The smell of gas in the classrooms due to the heaters.
The pressure. But the reassurance that it's not the end of the world.
Being in a classroom with the lovely friends.
As much as I don't play it, handball games.
Feeling like an important part of the school.
Having my patience tested every single day.
Afternoon school sessions that seem different than normal classes.
Being dropped off in the mornings and being picked up in the afternoons.
Trying to figure out the proper etiquette to have in Chemistry.
Knowing that I will see my friends on a daily basis.
Not English as such but some of the texts I have been introduced to.
Math. It's brilliant and universal. Can't get better than that.
The teachers who became people I could have conversations with.
Not contributing to a lot of the extra curricular activities that were provided.
History. Simply because I love learning everything about it, as painful as it gets.
Parent-Teacher nights where you gain an insight into what your teachers really think.

I'm sure there's more to this but these are what came to the forefront of my thoughts.

A lot

2011-06-27T20:55:00.002+10:00

Here are some facts about my day (becauseIdon'tknowhowelsetostartthesepostsanymore):

My roll call teacher was a little grumpy this morning and even told a kid to sit at the front.
We started a new topic in Math that has so far required us to simply add numbers.
Our fortnightly Chemistry room has the temperature of Antarctica. I'm pretty certain.
Things are a lot better when the sun comes out.
I don't think Mrs E will ever believe that I do any work, even when I really am.
There are too many people in Agrippina's life to have to tabulate.
Things aren't as nice when the sun disappears.
It's questionable when someone randomly rings and wants to catch up.
When Mr N writes on the board, it's apparently important stuff. Even if we can't read it.
Mrs K can be mean and rude. And I don't even think she understands that can be.
I actually know some stuff about Chemistry, as proven in today's afternoon session.
I am the greatest at "awkward moment" comments.

Applaud

2011-06-26T15:54:00.000+10:00

I give credit to anyone for being able to solve a Math problem.

I give credit to anyone for being able to write a solid essay.

I give credit to anyone for being able to get through a whole day.

I give credit to anyone for being able to read a whole book.

I give credit to anyone for being able to have any interest History.

I give credit to anyone for being able to make friends.

I give credit to anyone for being able to sing.
I give credit to anyone for being able to think when sick.

I give credit to anyone for being able to paint or draw.

I give credit to anyone for being able to spell.

I give credit to anyone for being able to use their self control.

I give credit to anyone for being able to function on 6 hours of sleep.

I give credit to anyone for being able to remember things.

I give credit to anyone for being able to smile and laugh.

I give credit to anyone for being able to stand up for something.

I give credit to anyone for being able to believe in themselves.

I give credit to anyone for being able to express how they feel.

I give credit to anyone for being able to wake up in the morning.

I give credit to anyone for being able to survive the HSC.

I give credit to anyone for being able to find a passion in life and follow it.

Dead End

2011-06-24T20:57:00.002+10:00

For the first time ever tonight, I called in sick at work. I thought I could tough out my sickness at school and that I would be okay to work tonight. It turns out I would only get worse and end up with a throbbing headache as well. So now I'm at home trying my best to get better properly.

Lately, the best part of my school days have been sitting in the sun at lunch and recess with my friends. We don't get up to much but we talk about the most interesting things. Amie always manages to reach a whole new level of conversation, Melissa always laughs hysterically, Sean will say something cynical but true, Val will pick on me, Natalie often shares entertaining stories from her art lessons and someone inevitably ends up being confused about what we're on about.

Everything is either really calm or exciting. And I like 'us' because we can cater to any mood anyone is ever in. Even the moments in class when we're laughing too loud, talking about news that happened a period ago, annoying the teacher or planning road trips to go on, makes me feel a whole lot better.

Of course there are days where everyone is extremely sarcastic. Not only is it evident but all of us have no problem with giving it back to the other. There's just this mutual communication between us and we know not to take it to heart. Outsiders might think that we're actually horrible to each other..

For some reason, I felt the need to write about my friends. I know I do it quite often. There are just days where it all seems right because there is no current drama and we are all constantly becoming closer as the year is almost over. And I think that's one of the most important things of this year :)

To the face

2011-06-23T21:16:00.000+10:00

About this time last night, I was struggling to find words in my vocabulary range to express the points that I was going to make in my unstructured and uncertain speech. Without timing it, proof reading it, cutting the palm cards up or even sending it to someone to read for me, I went to bed earlier than usual. Simply because I needed rest otherwise my "sickness" would get worse too quickly.

As for tonight, I'm not feeling as panicked about my current work that needs to be done. I also find that when I'm in class, my mind is taken off from thinking about what is ahead because I'm more involved with the work that needs to be done for that particular period. I know taking small steps is something that we're told to do at the beginning but it's only now starting to make sense to me.

My day was actually quite wonderful. I woke up extremely early to create Natalie's 18th birthday card (Yay!) and although having a blocked nose, I wasn't too frustrated with anything or anyone.

The double period of Chemistry consisted of evaporating solutions and adding too much universal indicator to the solutions. The experiment was awesome but there were also two or three incidents where people in my class had either spilt liquid everywhere or smashed the equipment into pieces. Apparently you're more prone to break things in senior school. Who would have thought, haha.

After eating some of the cutest cupcakes and being harassed by a year 11 student, I knew I should have stayed away from Modern. It turns out that the class was highly unable to answer or relate to what Mr Lev was going on about during the discussion. It was definitely painful to witness and be involved in. In the end, we left the classroom with sir being disappointed and highly concerned.

Then, I finally got my English assessment out of the way. According to Mathew, I didn't talk at a ridiculous speed and only went two seconds over time. I think luck played a large part during this period because I had not timed it previously. I didn't even feel as nervous as I thought I would. So that was a nice feeling to have. Things definitely started to look positive from this period onwards.

I was actually involved in the Ancient discussion this time around. Being able to picture the death of Agrippina certainly helped a lot and I felt as if I knew the content for once. The annoying ambiguity of the whole scenario was covered up with immense laughter and I left the lesson smiling.

Economics wasn't that bad either. Although I found out my terrible mark and that I had fallen down in the ranks, Mr N planned next week's as well as next term's work with us so that we knew what we were doing in time for the trials. It made be feel confident in being prepared for this next topic.

It wouldn't be a Thursday without the Ancient session. There is always too much fun happening in this hour and Melissa always seems to be laughing ridiculously. However, we weren't too fond of what Miss P had planned for us as it required answering a response in a limited amount of time. Needless to say, I didn't end up writing sufficient amounts but definitely had a load of fun.

Before I go, I just wanted to wish Natalie a Happy 18th Birthday! My heart always skips with excitement whenever anyone reaches this age. They can now sign their own permission notes! :)

Emergency

2011-06-21T20:24:00.001+10:00

Every time I go to blog, I always remember what Mrs E said one Ancient History lesson. It was something along the lines of recording how you feel at a certain point in time or even writing something as simple as how you think your day was because, apparently when you get older and you look back on your experiences, you tend to view it rather positively even though you may have felt differently at the time. Not sure how it works but it has always stuck with me.

On a much deeper note, why is it that the rush of confidence that comes when you think of a certain situation have to diminish? I dislike having planned a certain scenario and then not going through with it when the timing is absolutely perfect. It has happened on so many occasions now that it has gotten ridiculous. I guess a part of it is fear but it's not like the world is going to end anyway. Sigh.

I know this post hasn't really been about my day but if I wanted to get all technical about it, there were certain aspects of today that reflect the points I made above. I'm also feeling really tired and horrible because my throat is sore and my nose is running. Quite literally. No, it's not literal at all. I don't know why I said that. But the hyperbole is there. It's all Robert's fault for wishing it upon me.

I also don't have a goal for this week. Thought I'd give it a rest for these last two weeks of term.

Set Up

2011-06-20T17:40:00.000+10:00

The start of another week. Let's hope that this week brings the same amount of happiness as the last. Everything sure felt right today, despite the ridiculous and painful cough that was plaguing me.

My Math teacher was in a determined mood to not give up on teaching us. I understand why she was so adamant. Our attempt at integrating turned into a lesson of guessing as no one seemed to have the integral sheet or even knew what was going on. Well, I know I certainly didn't. But we got there eventually and we were only required to do three questions - so nothing was too strenuous.

Modern wasn't so great. Actually, it was for me. Just not so much for Mr Lev or some of the people in my class. I don't believe we're doing well on the complete-your-homework-thing. You would think that by now.. Sigh. Other than that, I found the content rather humorous in the way that it expressed certain elements. It makes Leni's life a little more interesting and bearable to have to learn about.

I did the first part of my Economics exam in third period. Meh. I found out that I may have also been disadvantaged because I didn't ask for a past paper booklet thing that most people seemed to have gotten since the questions were from that exactly. And I wonder why there's no point in trying.

English was quite ridiculous. Even though Amie, James and I were constantly laughing about something - if anything - Mrs K did another fantastic job at confusing us. And with our assignment due on Thursday, I don't feel confident at all about what I will be able to present to my class.

Ancient was great. We managed to impress Mr Lev through the detail we were giving in the discussion. It even got to the point where we were racing each other to yell out answers. The highlight for me was when Melissa told Sir that her sister was "disgusted" in him. Her delivery of that comment and Mr Lev's reaction made me laugh a little too hard. It was definitely a jovial lesson.

Chemistry didn't involve a lot of writing but it felt like a really long lesson. However, since Mr B wasn't feeling too well, Mathew and I negotiated to move the afternoon session to Thursday morning. Our "discussion" had convinced him to take the afternoon off and he felt rather grateful that we did so. That meant that I actually got to go home earlier than usual - which was nice.

Surprises

2011-06-18T23:17:00.005+10:00

I'm pretty sure my birthday has lasted all week..

Today involved Mega mini golfing with James, Sean and Robert - to which I obviously won. Getting there meant catching the train and walking in the middle of the road whilst avoiding passing cars. The place was amazing! You would start off in a jungle, head towards the Pharaohs Tomb and end up in some old Western era. My first time golfing was quite a success I think. We then headed to lunch at the mall and mostly talked about the strangest movies before it was time to head home.

At this point, I was still oblivious to everything that was happening..

Melissa and Sarah picked me up to have dinner at Pizza Hut. Little did I know that Sarah's accidental mistake would have given away the whole surprise. Walking into the restaurant, I see nothing more surprising than my friends sitting at a table marked with birthday balloons. My delay and shock only emphasised how ignorant I was to the planning that had gone on all week!! It definitely took me a while to let it sink in and even now, I'm in absolute disbelief at how I didn't suspect anything!

The excitement of the night continued as we spontaneously decided to go mini golfing..

I had a feeling that I might just be able to show off my talent from earlier in the day. It worked for a little while and until Melissa informed me that Robert had been cheating most of the time by adding more strokes under my name. I can truthfully say that I did get a hole-in-one at one stage. It was so much fun even the second time round. The night ended with Robert still missing his beanie, failing to take a group shot at any location and saying goodbye to some pretty awesome people.

I definitely didn't deserve the amazingness that was tonight. Really.

Thank you so much to Melissa, Sarah, Natalie, Sean, Val, Jess, Robert, Morgan, Marnie, James and everyone else that helped to keep the surprise from me. You're all too good at being secretive, haha.

Kidnapping

2011-06-17T23:38:00.001+10:00

It seems that I can't trust anyone in my Economics class. Especially after today. There are those who trick me into thinking that we have an exam, those who throw whiteboard markers at me, those who watch me fall for the silly lies and those who have been influenced by those who like to lie.

In the end, we didn't have our exam or a teacher to cover the class and I was held hostage in the classroom because it was my punishment for not going to the lecture yesterday. But Kartik kept me great company by not only talking about Economics but also about what our cultures are like.

That all happened during 4th period. Everything else seemed pretty mundane unless we were in the senior area or in Mrs D's office. Ahh, Mrs D's office. Our English teacher wasn't here so we technically had a "study period". With nothing much to study for, Amie, Sean, Natalie, Val, James, Laura and I invaded her office. There was just way too much energy happening in the room as Amie was drinking fizzy drinks and the lot of them were making inappropriate references. Sean even managed to spill his coffee on the computer table as I learnt more about myself through the career match quiz.

My Math teacher still seemed to be spreading her Math genius from Wednesday around the school, my Modern class is still very strange - and not just on a Friday afternoon - my Ancient assignment was finally handed in and today's Chemistry quiz took Val, James and I quite a while to complete.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend :)

Statistically

2011-06-16T17:22:00.003+10:00

Am I having too much fun at school lately? Oh, more so than you can imagine. I know we're meant to be focused, determined and peaking at this point in time, but I find myself constantly laughing and smiling. I think it's a sign that I'm actually happy and that I can even enjoy it for a little while.

My double Ancient period seemed to fly. Mainly because Melissa and I were apparently talking and laughing too much. It so happens that Mr Lev now believes that I'm the one who is distracting her. Well, that is true to an extent. But still. He also didn't seem too happy - probably due to a lack of sleep and idiot children. It's amazing what you can hear going on outside of your classroom. James and Laura also signed their permission slips for the first time and I think I was the more excited one!

The remains of my surprise party was still around in Mrs D's office and was even recycled for one of the other girl's who had her birthday today. Melissa and I were also a little fascinated by the new functions on the 2010 Microsoft Office. You can make brochures on Word!

Then, because I didn't want to join my Economics class on their excursion, I had a double free period. After being hassled by the Biology teacher, I met up with Sean at the library to get some work done. We were interrupted by the some of the kids in the Biology class who so evidently did not want to be associated with their teacher. I managed to get my Modern work done but not enough studying.

Math was pretty fun. My teacher was still talking about having three students in the class with the same birthday. She went on to inform us that it has happened to her four times now because she also had the triplets in year 11 and 12. I think she felt rather special. The work was also comprehensible as James and I were able to figure out a few things on our own.

I'm not sure if it's a good thing when my Chemistry teacher asks us to make models of hydrocarbons and to summarise from the textbook. I wonder if he's just given up on teaching us because we constantly talk. However, he didn't seem too annoyed and told us about the scientist who not only invented CFC's and other terrible chemicals, but who also managed to kill himself do to his creations.

Then there was the Ancient session. It is ridiculous how much fun we can have with only the four of us and a teacher who has kids complaining about the workload she gives them. Melissa, Natalie, Mathew and I put the term sycophancy into good use, all of us - including Mrs E - managed to think alike when it came to 'discrediting' a teacher and Melissa and I were totally in sync :)

I hope I can enjoy this 'happiness' for a while longer. Because I know that it will disappear very soon. Especially because my Economics exam is tomorrow and my English task is due next week. Sigh.

Seven in a million

2011-06-15T18:02:00.006+10:00

Alright, I'm sure you're all busting to know how my birthday was since I was being all unexcited and apathetic about it all. I usually try to make myself feel important by searching significant historical events that happened today but I don't believe there is a need to do that this year.

Since I didn't get to bed until 1:30am trying to finish my speeches, I wasn't all that happy about going to the early Ancient session. However, Miss P didn't show up nor did she want to start a lesson with only 20 minutes until the bell. So Natalie, Stephanie and I hung out with Robert - who was still reading that English book of his. This would be the beginning of present receiving on my part.

Woke up to find this in the morning.

The rest of the birthday trio - James and Laura - showed up eventually and there seemed to be a strange fascination from our teachers about our birthdays this year. For example:

My roll call teacher wished me a "happy birthday" to which I thought was creepy.
Mrs S welcomed us with a blackboard of "happy birthday", chocolate Freddo's and the probability of having three students in a class with the same birthday.
Mr W as well as the deputy wished us a "happy birthday" along with a story about a frog being killed and reminding me that I may just be a little bit younger.
Mr Lev pointed out Mrs S's fact and gave me a chocolate as a gift.
Mrs K sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It was rather cute of her.
Mrs C, the lovely person that she is, bought a chocolate cake to Extension English because she felt bad about the fact that I had to present a speech on my birthday.

Celebrating in Extension English.

But I do have to say that they can't beat my friends when it comes to days like this. For example:

I receive text messages as soon as it hits June 15th.
They know me well enough to figure out what things I would love.
They can still torment me even if it is my birthday, haha.
They can plan a surprise party without me having any clue whatsoever.
They write the loveliest birthday messages on their cards. Or piece of paper :)
Melissa makes the most amazing cupcakes.
They are really quite sentimental and lovely people.
They would flood my facebook wall if I still used it.
They let me hurt myself, laugh about it then check if I'm okay.
They blow up balloons and bring party hats that we wear to class.

They genuinely make me feel happy after nights of frustration and procrastination.

The surprise message I found inside a DVD case :)

So thank you to my kind and curious teachers as well as to my amazingly wonderful friends!
Happy 18th Birthday to Laura and James of course, also a birthday shout out to Darren's Aunt and apparently there is some State of Origin football game tonight. So enjoy that if it's your kinda thing :)

And who am I kidding? I can't leave without sharing a historical fact.. On June 15 1215, the Magna Carta was signed by King John. In Latin, "Magna Carta" means "Great Charter".

Hagrid

2011-06-14T18:27:00.001+10:00

Oh my. Did I just make a Harry Potter reference/use a character's name from the series as my post title? Why Yes. Yes I did. Have I now proven my worth to you all? Haha.

I thought today was going to be an absolutely miserable day because I'm all panicky and scared about the fact that my assignments for tomorrow have not been completed. Nor are they near completed.

But my mind was taken off from that as my friends demonstrated how ridiculously crazy, talented and full of energy they can be. It's definitely entertaining, if not embarrassing, for me to witness.

Melissa was hyper during assembly and kept attacking James - who probably has bruises all down his left side. She even made herself laugh when she tried to show two different emotions, confused Taylah and Sean and had pointed out a racist term that was being used and retracted.

James and Amie kept me entertained during English as well as giving me some good points to write about. There was also conversation about sexual promiscuity, loose morals and Amie's bipolar. We even managed to convince Mrs K to move the date of our assessment with the condition to do work.

Val was, yet again, commenting on the fact that I'm turning "13" tomorrow. This was not helped by Laura and Robert also getting in on the joke. Well, I definitely showed Val when I happened to drop her scissors down the back of the cupboard in Math. Definitely living up to my so-called age I think.

Then there was the situation with Melissa's new stalker, Mr N clearly not feeling well, Ken actually talking to me like a friend for once, Robert insisting on kicking me, Amie destroying Natalie's stack of cards, Sean still coughing, Val's three day weekend and a strange conversation about hair loss.

Goal for the week: Have some sort of English assessment draft completed.

This Time

2011-06-13T15:49:00.000+10:00

Mischief from last year.

It's my birthday in about 2 days and I haven't felt excited about it because I haven't had time to think about it. So I'm giving myself the time it takes to write up this post to let the thought sink in. It'll be my 17th birthday this year and I'm not fond of the number because it just doesn't have the same spark as 16 or 18. I realise now that I also rarely hold birthday parties or days out. I always say that I will but I never get around to doing anything - a true testament to my work ethic. I get by though.

Reading back on my birthday from last year, there are some things that have changed. For instance, the World Cup isn't on. Obviously, considering it happens every four years. I also don't think my parents intend on getting me another laptop, my birthday isn't on a Tuesday and my friends are now turning 18. However, I will be at school and I will blog about it. So there is some consistency there.

Looking ahead to next year, on the other hand, I won't be celebrating my birthday at high school anymore but hopefully somewhere a lot bigger and exciting. The picture I have in my mind is that I'm due for another catch up with my friends and I will actually have some sort of gathering or party this time. By then, I won't be such a youngster to them anymore, haha. Yep, that's the 'dream'.

Right, I think that's enough birthday reminiscing and future talk. Back to the reality that is school work, procrastination and resisting the urge to express my anger and frustration with certain people.

Insomnia

2011-06-12T02:13:00.000+10:00

Here is my assessment schedule for the coming week because, despite it being a constant and daunting thought, the whole week just seems like one big blur to me:

Tuesday: Economics summary due.

Wednesday: Modern assignment
Extension English speech.

Friday: Ancient assignment.
Economics topic test; Part 1.

It really doesn't seem like a lot but, at the moment, I don't feel as though I can finish it all properly and feel prepared to hand it in, sit the exam or to present it. However, compared to most people, I think I am quite lucky in the sense that I have more than the 10 required units. This means that I can stuff up at least one - and an extension - subject of mine and still hope for the best. I know, it's not the best attitude to have but it's one that makes me feel a little better for the time being.

Goal for the week: Finish my Extension English assignment.
Surprise, surprise. It didn't happen. I have a plan. And that's about it. Ugh.

Elope

2011-06-10T22:15:00.001+10:00

My roll call teacher actually remembered that I take the roll back.
Amie makes a great secretary.
There are certain words that shouldn't be used due to their other meaning.
The HSC Math papers back in 1967 were pink!
My Math teacher is the best at what she does.
When you incorrectly type a password into a phone, there is the chance that it will vibrate.
My English teacher actually marked my book.
Mathew has the best laugh and is too comfortable with Mrs K to be able to say the things he does.
Certain History staff members can actually be nice once in a while and make me laugh.
Sean is too talented. He made an animation! An animation for goodness sake!
The school bell that rings in the animation had confused us into thinking it was actually ringing.
My Chemistry class seemed rather small despite there only being a Business Studies excursion.
I had also reached the end of my book but had enough room to complete today's work.
Val thinks that I'm missing out because I haven't watched Harry Potter. I beg to differ.
Modern on Friday last period can never be normal because people in my class are strange.
There were also a few Year 7 students in our class.
I'm apparently the master of condescending comments.
Mr Lev put up the rainbows that Sean and I drew for him.
The day proved to be rather exhausting and the night is not much different.

Tricks

2011-06-09T17:39:00.000+10:00

My day felt kinda disorganised. It was probably because I didn't go to school early, which meant that my morning went by really quickly. Not a bad thing, just an unusual thing. Even roll call was short despite not having anyone to talk to because they had gone to the careers market thing.

Double Chemistry was good. There were only a few of us who stayed back so we spent the two period summarising. It wasn't crazy amounts of summarising, just enough to cover content that was okay for some people to not be here for. Val and I also had a lovely chat about all sorts of things.

I think my Modern period was rather productive. All we had to do was read through two booklets and answer the questions given. The class managed to get through the period without being extremely talkative either. Except that Sean kept coughing and I had managed to "slack off".

We analysed another sonnet in English then we were given more comparison sheets then Mrs K handed back our Belonging essays and then she actually went on to applaud some of the students in the class for their excellent work. It was quite a new experience to see her do that so that was nice.

Then there was the usual Ancient lunch time session where we had to answer a past HSC 10 mark question in about 18 minutes. Mr Lev chose a bad day to comment on the legibility of our handwriting as I did not set out to write neatly. I think we all managed to get by though.

My actual Ancient lesson resembled a zoo almost. This was because, according to Sir, there was a lot more talking than he had expected, people had already packed up and some were even eating during class. We definitely did not reflect the work ethic of a year 12 class. In fact, we rarely do.

Economics was not all there. Mr N started the lesson off well with testing our ability to plot the Lorenz curve - to which we all understood - but then he had to leave us because there was some harassment drama going on. He didn't seem to have been having a good day as he told us that people were hiding his things, as well as themselves, from him. A great way to end the day really.

From my own judgement, I assumed that the reason I had to walk all the way around B block was due to the incident from the period before. Miss P was disappointed when we couldn't report back on the drama. However, the Ancient session was good - even if Miss P does talk quite loud. Walking out of school proved to be much more interesting as Melissa felt the need to race Val driving.

I didn't have a strenuous day but being at home brings upon the reality that I need to complete a tonne of work in a very short amount of time. It's safe to say that I'm in panic mode. Constantly.

Crash and Burn

2011-06-08T17:53:00.001+10:00

I always walk away from the Modern session with either more homework or a new sense of fear. Today, it was the latter. For some reason, Mr Lev manages to make me feel unprepared for everything. Sure, I can complete the set tasks we're given in class or write a lengthy essay but that's a completely different scenario to when I'm in an exam room - making everything more daunting!

The only thing I can really count on is the fact that I know some of my content. At this point, any content knowledge will make me quite happy. I would put a little more faith in my memory but, at this point, I think that's even starting to deteriorate and let me down as I keep up with this 'learning' thing. And I know that I'm only freaking myself out but I need to get it out of my system.

Then there's the whole other situation that Mr Lev mentioned about how working as a cohort makes the HSC more difficult for people who have the goal of wanting a decent ATAR. In order to bring up their marks, they often have to work that extra bit harder than they already are to make sure that they're not brought down my those who do not give a damn about themselves or other people.

I guess my day overall wasn't too bad though. Mrs E took over my Economics class and her cynicism never ceases to amaze me, we did cut and paste in Chemistry to which Duncan stole my scissors, I talked to Melissa a lot during Ancient, I finally fought for my scissors back during an unimpressive lesson of Math and Extension English was filled with worry from Mrs C's behalf.

I was rather excited when Sean and I got to talking about how everything is going to be when we're all off studying courses we will enjoy. It pretty much involved catching up over coffee and talking over skype. It definitely felt much better than thinking about the actual processes of getting there.

Now I shall go and try to work on some assignments. Maybe. Sigh.

Backlash

2011-06-07T16:29:00.000+10:00

There are certain ways to handle certain situations. I think I handled all but one situation well today. I also think my friends have a conspiracy up their sleeves, but I can't seem to figure it out or stop it!

After assisting two year 11 prefects in running assembly for the first time this morning, I found that my Modern class only had 6 people. The first period seemed to go on forever as we were discussing the very boring life of Leni Riefenstahl. We then braved the cold to head to the computer room for the second period to do research for our assignment. It's a very time consuming task which I dislike.

Our English period was replaced with the handing out of reports. This also meant signing another one of our Board of Studies forms to make sure that the information and what-not was correct. I just assumed mine was and signed away. We also brought out a cake for Koosache as it was his birthday. As for my report, I didn't do too badly. The lowest rank I received was 7th in Chemistry.

Economics was bearable. It's didn't seem as though we talked about much. However, I was pretty happy with the summary part of my assignment because all I need to add is diagrams. I'm not looking forward to the test next week since I haven't actually practised any past questions yet. Gulp.

Last period Ancient felt like a mess to me. It was supposed to be our 'research' period but it seemed as though most people got a little off track. Though I did enjoy Ancient more than Modern today. Also, the Ancient assignment is definitely much easier and requires less in-depth analysis.

Goal for the week: Finish my Extension English assignment.

Superlast

2011-06-06T18:10:00.001+10:00

Ahh, the last ever sports carnival in my schooling life and I can say that it was quite incredible. Here's how the athletics all went down. Not literally though, because that would be bad.


We're cool.

Melissa kindly picked up Amie and I as we bickered about where to park and Melissa complained about her own parking. The talented Amie had made capes and masks for Melissa and I so that we were kinda in sync with the 'superhero' theme given to us. It was a job well done I reckon.


Getting into disguise.

Then the events started which meant Melissa and Amie were ready to add points for our Monsoon house. Natalie and I watched on for a little bit until she had to be called away to do some awesome photography for the school. We even found a place to camp so that we knew what was happening.

Doing some actual manual labour.

This in turn led us to actually offer our assistance at the finish line as the participants needed to be handed their appropriate place marker. We didn't fail too miserably at the task but were constantly leaving the teachers in dismay as different events were being called. They even used the loudspeaker to try and call us back. We did eventually and they didn't seem too annoyed with us.


Trying to avoid the water puddle.

Val also decided that it would be funny to announce to the carnival that it was my 13th birthday. Firstly, my birthday isn't for another week and secondly, I am not turning 13 as much as I act like I am. Noakes then even proceeded to sing me a happy birthday despite telling him that it wasn't.

As I started to run out of things to do, I found my line of duty in flag waving. This required me to signal to Mr Lev when the competitors were ready so he could fire the gun. It's apparently quite a serious job with the white and red flags meaning very different things. I think I pulled it off quite well as no one fired me but it isn't as exciting when the gun starter is about 3 metres from you.

Some clowns we found.

In following with the custom from the cross country, Mr Lev allowed me to fire the gun. I failed the first time as I wasn't supposed to say "get set". I don't believe it threw anyone off though. Then when it came to the teacher-student race, I fired it again but with much misery as I didn't press it hard enough. It got there eventually. Unfortunately, the teachers managed to beat us.

Signalling the end of the sports carnivals.

I'm pretty sure that Monsoon didn't come last either so that was an achievement and a high note to leave the athletics on. I also want to thank the Year 12 students who came today and I can say that am quite proud of your attendance and I hope you had a good last carnival :)

Click on photos for better quality.

Conflicted

2011-06-05T17:01:00.000+10:00

I don't know what I want you to say or do either because it doesn't even matter to me anymore. I don't see it as a problem that can be resolved. In fact, I don't even know how to fix the problem.

The truth is that I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. You are who you are and I should accept it. That's the way a friendship should work and clearly, I'm not very good at maintaining one.

But I can't apologise to you because everything that I said was most of what I needed you to know. Of course I feel terrible for going about it the way I did and I appreciate that you made the effort.

Just think of it as your opportunity to now be whoever it is that you're supposed to be without worrying about me disliking your decisions. It's easier for you and it might just make you happy.

Goal for the week: Finish my Ancient History assignment.
For the first time in a long time, I have actually completed my goal for the week. Yay. So that only leaves me with three other assignments to get done before next week ends. Not-so-yay.

A James Thing

2011-06-04T23:58:00.002+10:00

After a month of counting down, planning 'coincidental' events and calendar work, tonight was finally the arrival of the long anticipated birthday party for James' 18th and his sister's 16th.

The whole night was filled with constant excitement as it consisted of a mechanical bull, the bungee rope thing, music, a dance routine from James and Joeli, lovely speeches, Chinese food, photo taking, rain, an ice war, car mischief, more dancing, plastic cups, balloons, presents, Harry potter references I didn't understand, beanie stealing, bribery, cake, tree lights, cute children, lots of fun family members, ridiculous laughter, practical card slots, an awesome party favour and amazing friends.

Rebellion

2011-06-03T23:36:00.000+10:00

Blogging on a Friday always seems to take a lot more effort, purely because my lack of sleep during the week catches up with me and also because I blog after work. But let's have a go anyway.

My morning got off to a very awkward start as my friends arrived later than usual - leaving me having to sit in the senior whilst two people in my grade couldn't keep themselves away from each other. What makes it's even stranger is that it is not the first time the same situation has happened to me. You can only imagine the relief and excitement I felt when my right idea of company showed up.

The day didn't involve anything too out of the ordinary. I did get verbally abused by a junior girl who decided to use foul language, I had free periods for Math and English, I didn't know the Atomic Absorption Spectroscopy was invented in Australia, I question the relevance of Ancient History tasks too often, I actually explained something well during Economics and my Modern assignment makes a lot more sense than it did a week ago. Though, I am still not looking forward to week 8.

It also seems that Val's creation of the lowering of my age has caught in many of my classes. This means that no matter what I say, it always comes back down to the fact that I'm supposedly turning 13. So I think - it changes quite often and depending on who you talk to. Damn you Val! Haha.

I learnt that there are dictionaries in the library, Mathew is an interesting person to be around, Amie used all the letters in "Words with friends" and by Friday, I tend to run out of care. It doesn't help that things never get done and that there are so many things going on in the coming weeks. I just need to be organised but, at this stage, it doesn't even seem anywhere near possible to do.

Thank goodness for the weekend to give it all an attempt. I hope you all have a lovely one!

Allergies

2011-06-02T18:20:00.000+10:00

People at my school need to learn to not be so mean and horrible. Not only is it putting other people down, but we have to constantly hear the deputies talk about the same immature issues. How hard is it to just keep your ugly thoughts to yourself and not make things up about other people?

After that lovely lecture during roll call, the double Ancient period started off pretty slow. An attempt at a class discussion probably didn't go as well as anyone had hoped and I can vouch for that fact that I contributed terribly to it. It was all just a little uncertain to me. I'm beginning to get lazy with my work and I find myself bargaining my way out of doing it properly. It gets really time-consuming.

Double Economics started off with shenanigans organised by the cheeky people in my class. They had decided that we would not show up to class on time to mock what Mr N had done to us on Tuesday. This plan led us to walk all the way around C block before returning to class. I think the plan was successful. Apart from that, the lesson went on for what felt like a lifetime and for someone who says he doesn't like to talk a lot, Mr N sure does it quite often.

The lunch time Ancient session did a perfect job of freaking me out a little more. I always feel uneasy when it comes to putting the content we're given into an essay for Ancient. It's like there is a different feel to it even though it's just the same as writing an essay for Modern. So I sat there doing nothing but worrying about it, despite Mr Lev trying to convince us that we'd be okay.

My Math teacher wasn't feeling too well today so she didn't write or talk much. Luckily for her, the exercise on rates wasn't that difficult for James and I to figure out. However, I always find my age being the topic of jokes when I'm in Math. Being younger doesn't give you much authority, haha.

Then, in an unprecedented event, Mr B was away for Chemistry. The class didn't believe it when Josh came back to tell us. But he really was. So most of the class went home but because I was sticking around for the Ancient afternoon session, I did some repetitive Ancient work in Mrs D's office and tracked down some much wanted school work for Sean after interrupting an English class.

Melissa, Mathew and I gave Miss P the false hope that she didn't have to stay back because we took our time . Fortunately for her, we decided to show up once we found Steph. We established that Miss P was my slave, Mr Lev's hand-writing is terrible - he also believes himself to be a genius - the prac teacher knows my name and I apparently owe the History staff a batch of brownies..

I think it also would be important to let you all know that I thought I was pretty funny today - well, more funny than I usually am - and that I am of sufficient height to kick people's feet under tables.

Precipitate

2011-06-01T18:05:00.003+10:00

It's June guys, June! I love June. Not only because it's my birthday month but because it's halfway through the year. There's just something about knowing there are only 6 months left of 2011.

Ancient in the morning led to Miss P telling us the Egyptian myth about Horus and Set. It seems that the Romans weren't very original in their ideas regarding anything as they allowed themselves to be influenced from the Greeks and Egyptians. See, I do know stuff about Pompeii and Herculaneum! Melissa then decided to bring back primary school memories during sport roll call and even preceded to reenact some of the strange dance things she was involved in. It was quite entertaining really.

Math was pretty productive because we were just continuing the work from yesterday. It wasn't challenging and I realised that the writer of our textbooks got a little lazy and used the same values from the previous exercise. James also managed to do some work so that was a plus, haha.

Not much happened in Ancient. Except for the fact that I wrote a Chemistry related term in place of an Ancient related term. It did give Mathew more fuel from which to mock me with though. I am also finding my Ancient History personality a lot more interesting than my Modern one. I think Agrippina's constant drive to fulfill her ambitions gives her more substance and intrigue.

English was interesting, to say the least. We analysed another sonnet but this one was a lot more erotic - if I'm to quote my teacher. My class managed to pick up on the physical aspect of Browning's poems much better than the spiritual love that she tends to ramble about. There was also a lady bug named Barnaby who eventually flew away after giving me a fright multiple times.

Modern felt empty because of the fact that everyone has spread out, making the room much bigger. However, Neelam and I worked quite efficiently and without much pointless chatter. I think she's a good influence on me when it comes to Modern work, haha. The prac teacher who was supervising us for a while also proved to be quite knowledgeable in Leni Riefenstahl's film "The Blue Light".

Then I had Extension English alone because Sean was away and probably thought it would be funny if I had no one to suffer the disappointment with. It didn't turn out too bad. It was slightly awkward when Mrs C read out loud to just me but when she finally set me up with the work, it wasn't too strange. A random junior kid also joined us for some unknown reason. I'm certain that I worked too slow for her liking but I don't think she wanted to push me since I was the only one there.

I ended up being a late for the Modern session and found that it was only Divya and I. Lucky we like each other. We then had to brainstorm two different dot points and Mr Lev seemed pretty impressed, so we definitely did something right. That was until he told us to write an introduction. I failed miserably as Divya continued until time was up. Mr Lev then got into a lengthy talk about hand stretches before getting a call from his wife - probably yelling at him for not being home, haha.

In the end, the day was pretty relaxed but productive. Is it said that I'm totally excited about the fact that Economic growth has declined because I can sorta understand what the Economists are saying?

Mean

2011-05-31T17:23:00.001+10:00

Tuesday afternoons always feel like the busiest day for me. It's like I suddenly have a tonne of school work that I need to get through despite having had school the previous day. It's stressful I tell you.

The morning started off with loud voices as Sarah arrived at school in a not so happy mood. This indicated to Robert that he had the chance to annoy her even more. He definitely took that opportunity and was inevitably yelled at by Marnie. It also meant that his beanie was held hostage.

Then we had a whole school assembly. Sean and I were fortunate to be up on stage instead of having to sit on the floor. Though, we didn't really have a choice in the matter as we had to fill in for two year 11 prefects who were supposed to be running the assembly. So today would be the last time that I host one of these Tuesday assemblies and it wasn't too bad. Mr N managed to make me laugh when he tried to work out how to pronounce the name of students with perfect attendance.

After pushing Amie into a puddle because there was no other way to get to class, apparently Mr Lev was going to be late to class. So Sean decided to put in a silent film that he had since it was mentioned in our content at one stage. This didn't last very long. When he finally decided to show up, Sir failed to show how truly touched he was about the gift we had gotten for his daughter. Apparently that was the nicest thing a class has ever done for him. Which is quite sad really, haha.

My Chemistry class finally decided on doing Industrial Chemistry for our elective topic. This comes after much persistence from Josh and Duncan who wanted to do Forensic Chemistry. We also weighed our practical from the other day. The Barium Sulfate that we had to weigh was interesting and looked a lot like paint. Val and I also realised that someone keeps messing with our table by moving the piece of paper that stops it from rocking. It's not very nice of them at all.

We were teacher-less for Economics as Mr N never showed up to class. We thought that he had some important business to attend to but it turns out that he honestly believed he had a free period because he looked at the wrong week. So most of us actually worked on our summaries whereas other people caught up on the drama that was happening just at the end of the recess.

English. It was actually good. Amie and I did our work slowly but gradually. Mrs K even seemed rather helpful. I don't think she likes just sitting there doing nothing because she was constantly trying to talk to us. It was nice. We also got to talking about our next module which requires us to read a lengthy book. Hopefully Mrs K sticks to what she said about not reading it during class.

Math was productive for me. I don't think I can say the same about the girls behind me as I heard some interesting topics of conversation, haha. The work was kinda random but not difficult. I often feel sorry for my teacher because not only is she good at what she does but she doesn't have the heart to yell at us for packing up early or not doing any work or for not listening. However, she doesn't let us leave without reminding us to "do 20 questions for it to really sink in."

I liked today, even though there were a few disruptions and idiot kids pretending to bash each other.

Instigator

2011-05-30T17:49:00.001+10:00

It's scary when you can see the kind of person that you believe you are in someone else. Their thoughts, behaviour, motives and ideas are so similar to yours but the only difference is that your friends openly dislike these qualities about these people. It makes me wonder if I'm disliked for the same things, especially since I can see the similarities so clearly.

Anyway, besides my constant run of thoughts, today was a pretty straight-forward day. I say that to mean that there were no major issues of any sort nor was there anything extremely surprising. There was actually quite a few people away and I believe it's because many are unfortunately getting sick.

Lunch and recess was spent in the History room because it was not only cold outside but the seats were also wet. The shelter that they've put in place is not very effective in any weather. So we've learnt to not complain about it any longer and to just find somewhere else to hang out.

Mrs E is finally back from her rather long holiday. And it's safe to say that she is still the same after having to hear her tell us that we're "not supposed to go through that door". Clearly she has not realised that it has been in use for the whole time she was gone, haha. But Mrs E wouldn't be the teacher we know if she didn't try to yell at us once in a while with the hope that we'll listen.

In a quick attempt to sum up my lessons - because I honestly can't be bothered to write in detail about them today - there were past HSC Math questions, light bulbs and spectroscopy in Chemistry, very long discussions in Modern and Ancient, an Economics update accompanied with terrible handwriting, comparisons being made in English, and Harry Potter references to end the day.

Goal for the week: Finish my Ancient History assignment.
If I don't finish this, I will have too many assessments that need to be completed by week 8. So I figured this would be the first and easiest one to get out of the way. At least I hope it's easy.

On a scary thought, there are only 22 weeks left of high school! Ahhh!